Marshall Paisner's two sons, Bob and Dan, both seemed interested and able enough to take over his business. Good thing for ScrubaDub Auto Wash Centers he didn't pick either one of them. Instead, he let them choose. "He looked at us and said, 'You guys figure it out,'" Bob, now 47 years old, recalls.

Bob and Dan, who is two years younger, took three years to hash out an agreement, with the help of outside advisers. Eventually, in 1996, they decided Bob would become chief executive, and Dan president of the 175-employee company. Their mother, Elaine, was relieved. Marshall ought to be, too. Under Bob's and Dan's guidance, the Natick (Mass.) car-wash chain founded by Marshall in 1965, which now operates 14 locations, is still thriving and plans to open three more sites this spring.

It's not that the Paisners have unlocked some secret to family bliss. But foresight, planning, and lots of communication can go a long way to ensure a smooth succession. As a general rule, only an estimated 30% of family-run companies make it from one generation to the next. Just 30% are passed on from founders to children, and only 30% as well of those survive into the third generation, and so on.

FORESTALLING STRIFE.  Failure to plan for succession is one of the principal factors. "Most [family-business owners] don't deal with these issues until they become a crisis," says Alfonse Mattia, an accountant who works with family businesses at Amper Politziner & Mattia, a firm based in Edison, N.J.

Even if the business survives without a preexisting plan, having a well-made one can forestall family strife. Consider Boston-based restaurant chain Legal Sea Foods. The founders, George and Harriet Berkowitz, had two sons who worked most of their adult lives in the business. But when elder son Roger was tapped over his brother Marc to lead the business in 1992, it sparked a nasty, divisive, and public court battle. Eventually, as part of an out-of-court settlement, Marc sold his stake in the company, which has since expanded to 30 locations along the Eastern seaboard.

The first, most basic step to a healthy succession process is the founder's willingness to make and discuss arrangements. Indeed, what often makes the entrepreneur successful in the first place –- a strong-willed, even stubborn determination –- can be a serious drawback in succession planning. Mattia warns business owners that the goal is to "perpetuate the company –- not to perpetuate himself."

AIRING GRIEVANCES.  Jim Ellis, a family business expert at University of Southern California's Marshall School of Business, recalls an entrepreneur who locked his will in a safe, hiding his succession plans from his children until after his death. Some owners "just don't want to cede that power," Ellis says. And that can prove a dangerous decision, allowing problems among the next generation to fester until they become intractable. "There is always conflict," Bob Paisner concedes. "But if you ignore it, it gets bigger."

It's up to the family to decide on the best forum to air such grievances. The Paisners feel free to talk shop whenever it comes up. "What children [hear] at the dinner table is enormously valuable," says Jay Trien, an accountant and lawyer who deals with many family businesses at New York-based Trien Rosenberg.

But not all patriarchs or matriarchs are convinced. Art Crowley, who founded Garon Products in 1960, makes it a rule to never talk about his Wall (N.J.) concrete-repair company at family gatherings. "There's the business of the family," he says, "and the business of the business." Like many other family-business owners, however, Crowley has set up a "family council," comprising all his children and their families -– a board of directors of sort that inspired a separate "sibling council" among the Crowley children.

DELICATE TOUCH.  Outside help is also a critical component. At ScrubaDub, Bob and Dan Paisner can turn to a "family deadlock trustee" to adjudicate any unworkable differences of opinion. And Crowley's family works with two psychologists, who interviewed family members and facilitated discussions about business and personal issues. Many B-schools have family-centered programs, which can offer insights on everything from best practices to how fathers can best hand off companies to daughters. "Families [can] understand that they're not the only ones who have gone through this," Trien says.

Bringing children into a business requires a delicate touch, encouraging them to spread their wings, but hoping they don't fly away. Experts say a child should taste the business early on. As Mattia puts it, "The kids should come into the company when they're young and sweep the floors." Aside from learning from the ground up, many often develop an intuitive sense about the business that's advantageous once adulthood hits.

But experts say kids also should get work experience outside the company, particularly in the time after college, to develop a sense of self and work identity apart from the family. Along with that come pragmatic advantages for the company. For one, it reduces the risk of "silver spoon" syndrome, says USC's Ellis, in which an untested, underqualified son or daughter's arrival engenders resentment among nonfamily employees. In addition, "Employees are going to see them making all the mistakes," Trien says. "It's better if they perfect their skills somewhere else."

LET THEM DECIDE.  Then comes what's certainly one of the hardest decisions an entrepreneur will ever have to make: Who gets to be the next CEO? "The real trick is to identify as early as possible who is going to succeed you," Ellis says. That way, a parent can spend years, even decades, sharing accumulated wisdom and discussing his vision with the CEO-to-be. "There constantly needs to be discussion between the two generations."

Of course, it's not so simple to name an heir when there are many qualified candidates among sons, daughters, nieces, and nephews. But there may be a way to turn the surplus of talent in younger generations to a company's advantage. Like Marshall Paisner at Scrubadub, Crowley has also left it to his children to determine the next generation of leadership at Garon Products. So far, they've discussed everything from running the outfit as a team to hiring an outsider as president. "They're well aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses," he says. "I'm letting that evolve."

According to the experts, it's much simpler to handle family members who don't work at the family business. As harsh as it may sound, they probably shouldn't have any equity in the company. Barring that, they at least should not receive voting shares in the business, so that someone without an operational function won't be able to make crucial decisions about the outfit's future. "I really think that becomes part of the undoing of family companies," Mattia says.

MAKING IT LAST.  That doesn't mean an entrepreneur shouldn't treat his children equally. Crowley, for example, has five children –- but two chose not to work at Garon. He won't bequeath the latter company equity, leaving them other assets, such as investments and real estate instead.

The handover of control is inevitably more complicated in a business where potential CEOs sit across the Thanksgiving table from one another. "You add the family element, and things get a little bit dicier," Bob Paisner admits. But it's a testament to an entrepreneur's legacy to be dogged enough to forge a successful business -- and shrewd enough to make it last.