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The National Rifle Assn., which has raised millions of dollars while inflaming passions on both sides of the gun debate, threw a sequoia on the fire at its convention last week in Charlotte, N.C.
On the heels of the (nowhere-near) Million Mom March, Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre, the in-your-face strategist to President Charlton Heston's craggy face of reason, snapped heads across the country when he announced that the NRA would be getting into the theme-restaurant business.
And not just a burger joint down the road from a shooting range outside of Boise. LaPierre was talking 5,000 square feet in Times Square. The plan he suggested calls for the NRA to join the likes of Planet Hollywood, ESPN Sports Zone, and the World Wrestling Federation at the newly mall-ed Crossroads of the World.
ROADKILL.
Adjacent to NRASports Blast, a game and gift store featuring simulated target shooting, would be NRASports Grille, a restaurant that, according to The New York Times, would offer "a wild game menu."
"What will the sign say, 'Over a million killed'?" asked Josh Sugarman, executive director of Washington-based antigun organization the Violence Policy Center and obviously a man without much of a sense of good, clean fun. Sugarman derided the plan as a marketing blunder, but Shotgun Wayne may be on to something. In fact -- and you heard it here first -- I predict that if the NRA's twist on guns and butter materializes, it will not only draw a crowd but both natives and tourists will be lined up around the block.
Of course, that long wait on sweltering summer afternoons in New York will no doubt lead to confrontations, and the stinking liberal press won't be kind if someone gets their doors blown off standing on line. (Can't you just see the overwrought tabloid headline: "DEAD MEAT: And all for an NRA burger.")
But, hey, this is Manhattan, and if the NRA wants to join the WWF in bringing back the old Times Square -- guns and half-naked people -- it will just have to bite the bullet every time a prospective customer bites the dust.
MUNCHIES AND MAYHEM.
Once inside the restaurant, though, the total NRA dining experience should more than make up for any mayhem on the street. Imagine, if you will, walking in under an arch of old M-14s with fixed bayonets. You're greeted by a comely, cleavage-y maiden wearing Miracle buckskin and looking for all the world like a tall Bernadette Peters -- who, of course, is starring nearby in the rootin'-est, tootin'-est, shootin'-est show on Broadway, Annie Get Your Gun (plenty of tie-in possibilities there).
"Party of two? Right this way. Now, would you rather sit in the Grassy Knoll Lounge or the Hinckley Room?" The latter is all gunmetal and black leather. On the table are salt and pepper shakers that look like shotgun shells. A young man in a hunting vest and orange hat approaches.
"Hi, I'm Neil, and I'm your waiter. May I tell you about today's specials that are gonna go ahead and make your day? For appetizers, we have a Second Amendment calamari with your choice of hot sauce -- bam, boom, or just-kill-me. For entrees, we have James Earl Ray's famous popgun shrimp or for those with a smaller appetite, we're offering a drive-by dog with all the fixins'.
"Now while you're deciding, can I get you a drink? We make the best Bloodys in midtown."
Scotti, Business Week senior editor for government and sports business, offers his unvarnished views every week, only on BW Online EDITED BY BETH BELTON
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