The Secret Enviga Paper

Posted by: David Kiley on January 5, 2007

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I have recently been sent what may be a secret strategy document from Coke regarding its Enviga beverage [See Burt Helm’s BW story], which the soft drink company says will “burn” calories when you drink it. I can’t confirm its authenticity, but the content of the document certainly seems true, so I’m inclined to believe it.

“To: E. Neville Isdell
From: New Product Development Dept.
Re: Enviga Potential
Date: July, 11, 2005

We seem to have cracked the code on developing a soft drink that marketing will be able to say “burns” calories when you drink it. Of course, we think this is a great breakthrough to hand the marketing department.

Will a product like this actually help anyone control their weight? Is it good for anyone? Of course not. But, as you know, when it comes to losing weight, or the prospect of losing weight, or the illusion of losing weight, a wide swath of the American public are morons. Case in point: heavily caffeinated energy drinks and cups of coffee that cost over $4.00. How we missed these two trends, I’ll never know.

We believe that young people will embrace Enviga, especially young women who say in poll after poll that they would rather be deaf or blind rather than fat. We are positively giddy here in the research department thinking about silly teenage girls, and boys too, pounding a six pack of Enviga at a time in a fog of delusion that they will lose enough weight to fit into that little black dress or to make weight for a wrestling match.

If we had to compare this breakthrough to another product, Sir, it might be none other than diet Coke. As you know, while NutraSweet made it possible for us to provide a no-calorie caffeinated pick-me-up, we have ample evidence that the artificial sweetener also stimulates appetite, and often leads to those people drinking no-cal sodas to eat more food.

But, we are in the soft drink business, not the health business.

As an aside, Sir, we are worried about continued erosion of the diet Coke franchise. Many of our friends have taken to mixing their own, GASP!, soft drink at home. The way this works is that they buy a bottle of no-sodium seltzer. They pour a glass and then flavor it with about one ounce of fruit juice. I confess I tried this concoction, and found it far more refreshing than our own products. I hope you don’t mind me saying that. Perhaps we can build a business case for a product that would combine seltzer with pure fruit juice.”

Before the lawyers call….let’s keep our tongues in our cheeks.

Reader Comments

Rich

February 1, 2007 1:48 PM

Does anyone really think that someone in a company would write a letter like this? Please. David Kiley you're a moron! And who is 'New Product Development Dept'? This letter stinks of fabrication and I cannot believe you would present it as authentic.

jake

February 3, 2007 10:33 PM

this letter has a tone that tells me that it was written by some person who hates corportations and capitolism. There is no authenticity that implies that it did indeed come from the Coke people.

cosmic mojo

February 5, 2007 1:14 PM

ha ha, Jake, the joke's on you. If you have to be told an essay is a spoof...

David Kiley

February 5, 2007 1:15 PM

Has everyone read to the last line of this posting. It's parody. it's tongue-in-cheek.

Holy Mackeral!

Chantell

March 1, 2007 1:22 PM

I don't know if this is true or not I can only speak from experience. This drink does open your appetite and therefore I will not drink it anymore. It doesn't taste bad but if it says its supposed to help me lose weight but it opens my appetite...well, that's retarded.

Sometimes I wonder if coca-cola REALLY stopped using coca? We'll continue to drink one soda behind the other not knowing why we are so addicted to it....."The world may never know"

Sara

April 13, 2007 8:24 AM

the green tea flavor one is the only one that does not make you hungry but from what i hear it tastes like shit the other flavors make you want something sweet

Nirmal

May 14, 2008 10:56 PM

Coke originally had cocaine in it, but was removed many years ago due to being illegal. as far as i know all flavours are green tea, but one is straight, the others have fruit flavouring added. anyway, i just tried it, and i like it. i don't give a fig and an apple about wether i'm supposed to lose weight, but i like the tatse. and that's what counts for me! :)

Nina

July 7, 2008 9:09 PM

I don't know if this letter is true or not, but the drink tastes like a beer to me! I can do without the high amount of carbonation. The reason why I tried it was because I was working out a lot and I'm a avid water drinker, and I'm always looking for a flavored low calorie drink. I won't be buying this product again.

Lori

August 28, 2008 9:52 PM

I love, love, LOVE Enviga! It is so good. I have so much more energy during the day and the taste is fantastic. I have been drinking it since it came out and I have been losing weight although I wouldn't necessarily attribute the weight loss to the drink itself. I think it just gives me more energy and makes me want to get up and MOVE!!

Raelene

September 9, 2008 3:10 PM

They have stopped making it in Massachusetts. I love it too! Can anyone get some and ship it to me? Please email me if you can!

Natalie

November 5, 2008 10:51 AM

I love Enviga. I have been drinking it since the first day on the market. I love the berry and tropical pomegranite, which now just came out .They used to have peach. For the people who feel more hungry, its because green tea increases your metablolism. Anyways, i just recently moved back to Mass after living away for 9 years and for some reason when I got here enviga was everytwhere , I used to even get it at my gift shop in the building I work in, but now I cannot find it anywhere, vendors keep telling me they no longer want to carry it, and I dont know why, it goes like crazy in LA and Chicago where I just moved back from. Can anyone help me get it shipped here? Please email me if you can . I drink it for the taste not the weight loss of it, just like all the other ads for weight loss, its junk, but just and fyi try the green tea with a little Bacardi in it , goes a long way! ;)

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News, opinions, inflammatory meanderings and occasional ravings about the world of advertising, marketing and media. By marketing editor Burt Helm, Innovation Editor Helen Walters, and senior correspondent Michael Arndt.

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