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SEPTEMBER 20, 2002
By Susan J. Marks Online Guides to the Adoption Maze The Web has plenty of info -- though digging through it is a mammoth task. Here are some sites that can help you learn the basics Learning about adoption is a daunting prospect: The laws are complicated, there's often a foreign culture to investigate, and the time pressure can be intense. A lot of money is also involved -- and even more emotion. Before adopting our daughter from Russia in 1998, we endured years of what often seemed like a nightmare. For anyone thinking about adopting, the Web can look like just the ticket for education about the process. Arming yourself with information, after all, is one of the secrets to a happy ending. For the unwary who approach the Internet with high hopes, be warned: It's a confusing maze in itself, and things are not always what they seem. Just because a site is produced by a nonprofit organization doesn't mean its information is accurate and up-to-date. Nor does the fact that a site's home page is splattered with advertisements imply its information isn't top notch. There's no fast and easy way to adopt. But sites such as Adoption.com, Adoption101.com, and the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse from the U.S. Health & Human Services Dept. are excellent places to begin learning the ropes. All have their flaws, but each also boasts its own considerable strengths. TOUGH QUESTIONS. With its info and features very few ads and promotions, Adoption101.com is straightforward. At the other end of the spectrum, Adoption.com and its affiliated sites want to sell you everything from adoption announcements to DNA tests, dolls, and home-equity loans to help finance the process of bringing a new child into your family. Despite those sometimes annoying ads, Adoption.com and its affiliated sites have plenty of helpful information. AdoptableKids.com, for example, is a free listing service that contains 167 pages of photos and minidossiers on children waiting for adoption, both in the U.S. and abroad. Another affiliate, StartingAdoption.com, has a 30-question quiz to help people assess whether adoption is truly for them. It's a stark reality check. Question No. 7, for example, asks: "Which of the following would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child?" Among your 25 choices are things like drug or alcohol exposure, cleft palate or lip, a child conceived through incest or rape, cerebral palsy or retardation, and groups of siblings seeking the same home. No. 27 is another zinger: "Deep down, do you feel like you are being forced to adopt if you want to have children, adoption as a means to build a family is 'second best,' or that adoption is your 'last resort' if you want to be able to have children?" Kudos to the site for its bluntness. These are all real issues that have to be worked through for a successful adoption. PAID PLACEMENT. A word of caution is in order, though: Adoption.com's listing of recommended adoption professionals includes many who paid for the exposure. The more you pay, the more prominent the presentation. That's not necessarily a negative, merely a reminder to educate yourself before you put out your money. The NAIC's site, which doesn't charge for listings, is essential reading for anyone considering adoption. It has a searchable database of public and private adoption agencies and support groups for adoptive parents, as well as those searching for birth relatives. The drawback of the NAIC site, though, is that it has so much information, it can be overwhelming, especially for beginners. A less intimidating place to begin exploring the topic is Adoption101.com, which calls itself as "The Adoption School." The site divides content into what it calls "seminars" with titles like Agency Adoption, Independent Adoption, International Adoption, Saving Money in Your Adoption, Information for Birthmothers, and Discussing Adoption with Your Child. Much of the information is excerpted from books that also are sold on the site's Student Bookstore. REQUIRED READING. My quibble: I thought some of Adoption101's seminars made the process sound easier than it is. Under International Adoption, for example, it mentions that you'll find lots of forms and legal restrictions, which is true, but it still describes the process as a quick and easy alternative to domestic adoption. Well, it certainly wasn't quick or easy for me! The site also glosses over one of the biggest concerns associated with international adoptions: How to tell whether you're being told all you need to know about the health of your soon-to-be child. Still, Adoption101's "Secrets to Success" seminar should be required reading. It explains everything from the importance of networking among support groups, adoptive parents, and other contacts to identifying the right agency or attorney. Under Agency Adoption, you'll also find a great list of 13 questions to help you find a good adoption agency. A companion seminar explains adoption to birth mothers considering giving up a child, including details of what financial assistance potential adoptive parents are -- and aren't -- legally permitted to provide. But the link to a list of agencies and attorneys the site actually recommends leads only to a page explaining that the list isn't finished yet. You can count on the Web to provide info on adoption options. Just surf with a dose of skepticism -- and a degree of caution befitting the importance of what you're doing.  Marks writes on technology issues from Denver
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