A Kiss-Off to Online Dating

The Web 2.0 generation isn't going to hook up on eHarmony when it's cooler to scope out the action on sites like Digg and Yelp

by Sarah Lacy

Dear Online Dating Sites,

I am writing to tell you it's over between us. It's not you. You've been great. You've helped me connect millions of happy couples and no one can take that away.

It's just that—well, I've changed. My needs and users are different now. And you were right when you asked about my relationship with MySpace and Facebook. I can't ignore the feelings I have for them any longer. Please don't be hurt. We had a good run, and you'll always be a part of me. But I'm moving on. I hope we can still be friends.

Love always,

The Internet

That's right. I'm declaring it now: Online dating as you know it is dead. The brand of matchmaking sites that blossomed in 1990s is as good as gone. Sorry, Match.com. So long, eHarmony. Adieu, Yahoo! (YHOO) Personals.

Like so many other vestiges of the Web 1.0 era, you've been outdone by the Web 2.0 way of the world.

Time was, the ability to spouse-hunt online was just as revolutionary as seeking a job, buying a book, or any of the myriad other tasks you could accomplish with a keyboard, mouse, and on-ramp to the Information Highway. The sheer size of the Internet audience enabled lonely hearts to check out profiles of a far larger pool of people than they could offline.

Meet the Social Networking Generation

And it was effective; if you believe the dating sites, millions of couples have connected with, successfully dated, or even married people they've met online. The phenomenon lost its stigma. A cultural change among twenty- and thirty-somethings made it suddenly socially acceptable to put out a singles ad. You were not a loser; you were just busy.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the Web. Many of today's young adults wouldn't dream of posting a profile on one of the traditional online dating sites. "Um, we have these things in New York called bars," Patrick Mulligan, my 28-year-old editor at Penguin Group told me once when I asked him if he'd ever used the Web to meet girls. My other proxy for the young and passably hip, BusinessWeek's own Burt Helm, knows only two friends who've consciously sought love online. He admits he once posted a personal ad after one of those friends had success. But he says he quickly got embarrassed and took it down.

There's a reason Mulligan and Helm are above online dating. They're part of the social networking generation. Neither would admit to going on sites like Facebook or News Corp.'s (NWS) MySpace expressly looking to hook up. And that's precisely why it's such a better answer to the problem of meeting someone interesting. It's like going to a bar with your friends. Maybe you are going to meet someone special, but maybe you're just going to hang out with your friends too. You can play it cool. "MySpace and Facebook feel like going to a nature preserve, [whereas] a dating site is like walking past a bunch of animals in cages at the zoo," Helm says.