Apple's Night Before Black Friday

…What to my wondering eyes should appear, But a magical sleigh full of brand new Mac gear

by Arik Hesseldahl

'Twas the day before Black Friday,

And all through the land,

The Macheads were eager,

With money in hand.

The stock price was rising, thanks to rumors galore,

Of iPhones, video iPods and more.

The children were nestled before the iMac,

Watching Dora on DVD and eating a snack.

Mamma at her MacBook, and I my Mac Pro,

Were both starting to think our Mac collection might grow.

When out on the Web there arose such a chatter,

I pounded the keyboard to read what was the matter.

Away to Thinksecret I flew like a flash.

To MacRumors, PowerPage, and dotted slash.

The words of the "sources" were starting to say,

A new blurry picture had been taken today.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a magical sleigh full of brand new Mac gear.

Its contents? New Mac stuff, all very hush-hush,

So secret! So new! So impossibly lush!

Bound for Cupertino, this sleigh was to be,

Guarded and hidden, behind lock and key.

It's driver? A mystery. I couldn't quite see.

But a hint of black turtleneck filled me with glee.

The gadgets were new, unfamiliar and cool.

I knew not what they did; yet they still made me drool.

I reached for my wallet. I was ready to buy.

When I read that I couldn't, I thought I might die.

'Twould be weeks if not months till they'd see light of day.

At the thought of the wait, I said simply: "No way!"

Steve Jobs planned a keynote, as with each January.

Buy Mac stuff in December? The thought made me wary.

Christmas was coming for my Mac-loving friends.

All their gifts would be old news right after yearend.

Frustrated and angry, I stormed outside,

Headed for the Apple Store, to give a piece of my mind.

From a taxi I stumbled, to the Fifth Avenue cube,

To be greeted by Steve, who said, "Mellow out, Dude.

"This is all part of the game, this new-product dance.

I want you to feel you've got ants in your pants.

"Remember the days when nobody cared?

When we wondered aloud if the Mac would be spared?

"Those days are over," he said, dollar signs in his eyes.

"The demand for our products is growing in size.

"And how does that happen? It's all very easy.

Our rivals make stuff that makes people queasy.

"When I pull a new product right out of my pocket

Reporters line up, and no one dares knock it.

"Then come the headlines. And then come the ads.

And then come consumers, credit cards in their hands.

"So take heart, my dear customer. You're doing your part,

To make sure fiscal 2007 is off to a good start."

Then he folded his arms in a self-satisfied pose,

And winking an eye, up the glass stairway he rose.

From the sidewalk he sprang to a long-waiting car,

And away he sped to has-been bistro Balthazar.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:

"See you back here next Christmas! Thanks for buying. Good night!"

Hesseldahl is a senior writer for BusinessWeek.com and his Byte of the Apple column, covering all things Apple, appears biweekly at http://www.businessweek.com/technology/.