Tech 'Solutions' Your Small Biz Can't Use

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And if you do have something to say, just be careful you don't give away too much information. You didn't consider all this? You don't have the time? You're not such a great writer? Word.

5. Search Engine Optimization

You mean for $5,000 I can get my company's name on the very top of Google's search results? Where do I sign? Many business owners have been fooled by the allure of search engine optimization (SEO)—and I'm one of them. I forked over a bunch of dough to a firm in California that promised to get my company's name on "all the major search engines" when someone was looking for products that we sell. How did they plan to do this? I'm still not really sure, but it had something to do with spiders, black hats, and link farms. That should've been enough of a hint that witchcraft was involved. After a brief flirtation with page 47 of MSN's search results, I gave up. SEO probably does the job for companies with oodles of money, but not for the typical small business.

6. Mobile Applications

Before you buy into any software vendor's promise to "enable a mobile application" for employees to use on their cell phones, think really hard about the reality of that claim. Remember that time you used your phone to look up the weather in Chicago? Remember how the seasons actually changed while you were waiting for the forecast to load? Your customer may die of old age waiting for you to enter an order or look up an inventory item on a cell phone. Mobile applications will be a great thing…someday. Just like hovercrafts, telepods, and renewable energy. But for a small business on a limited budget, it's still science fiction.

7. Customer Relationship Management Software

Readers of my work may find this item a little surprising. I've always been a big proponent of customer relationship management (CRM) software. One big reason is that my company sells this stuff. And we have a lot of small business clients who have really used this technology well. Unfortunately, we have a lot of other customers who haven't been as successful. Fred, a manufacturer of roofing materials, is one of them. Fred and I both learned that a CRM system doesn't work for a small business without an internal "champion" who takes ownership of it. His $20,000 system just sat there. No one used it. At best, we hope it will become a glorified Rolodex one day. A CRM system can be a good thing, but it takes more than paying for the software and training. Without a substantial internal investment, CRM won't work.

8. AdWords

John's a pretty smart guy. He runs a company that sells specialty pet foods. He manages his own investments. He keeps an eye on his taxes. But I've found a way to turn John into a blithering idiot. I've asked him to figure out how to use Google's (GOOG) AdSense profitably. Are you interested in a mind-numbing exercise? Give AdSense a shot. Or Yahoo SM or MSN AdCenter. Don't you know how much to budget for "clicks" on your ad? Are you just a little suspicious as to who exactly is counting these "clicks" that conveniently turn into revenue for these companies? Like John, you've just entered the alternate universe of Internet advertising! Here's a word of wisdom: Leave the mass-market advertising to Coke (KO) and Pepsi (PEP). Small business owners should stick to less mystifying forms of promotion.

9. Online Video

I totally agree with that…guy…I think…who wants us to "leave Britney alone." And yes, Barack Obama is pretty hot in his YouTube video. But none of this means online video is a workable medium for small business owners. Ron, a reseller of computer software, thought his business would be perfect for online video, what with the amount of Web-based training and support he provides. Ron figured he could post some videos on YouTube to help his clients. He soon learned that the cost and complexity was just too high. Quality videos require production companies. Otherwise you'll have grainy, useless footage. And videos that run beyond a certain length aren't even YouTube-able. They need to be housed with companies that sell storage space. Ron soon got sick of the process. Online videos are great—if you've got the budget of Time Warner (TWX) behind you.

10. Web 2.0

Want to make a room of small business owners go completely silent? Ask them to define Web 2.0. The world is full of industries coming up with sexy terms to create buzz and mystique around their genius. Web 2.0 is no different. A Web guy will tell you, "It's the next generation of Internet technology." And how does this affect small business owners? I hear all these great predictions of earth-shaking developments to come. I hear words like "mashup" and "wiki," and I'm still trying to figure out how these affect my business. All I really see are the same accounting, inventory, and order entry programs from the days of Reagan, albeit with new window dressing. I think we're supposed to be using Web 2.0 technologies to do more work online. But unless you're running an online business, these tools seem to have little relevance.

Gene Marks, CPA, is the owner of the Marks Group, which sells customer relationship, service, and financial management tools to small and midsize businesses. Marks is the author of four best-selling small business books and writes the popular "Penny Pincher's Almanac" syndicated column. He frequently speaks to business groups on penny-pinching topics. More penny-pinching advice from Marks can be found at www.quickerbetterwiser.com.