So I Married an Avatar

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The Science of Love

Matchmaking services say they are getting better at figuring it out, however. As online dating becomes mainstream, sites such as eHarmony.com and Perfectmatch.com promise their algorithms can find the people best suited to each other based on answers to online questionnaires.

EHarmony boasts that 2% of marriages nationwide happen through its site, based on an online survey of more than 7,000 adults conducted by Harris Interactive and eHarmony in December. The company, which requires members to answer a 258-question survey about themselves (BusinessWeek, 2/20/06), won't discuss details of how it matches couples. But Galen Buckwalter, eHarmony's vice-president for research and development, says a key is similarities. "Opposites attract, but then they attack," says Buckwalter, who says he's been "happily married for 12 years." Differences, particularly in values, turn into perennial conflicts in long-term relationships. "We are not trying to change the magic of love, but long-term relationships are very complex and not all aspects of them are completely unknown to science," he says.

Of course, you can only learn so much about a person from a digitized avatar, online personality test, or even DNA analysis. Fishman concedes he was first attracted to Nerad's physical appearance. He saw her across a crowded cafe and felt struck. "I am standing there eating cake, and there is this beautiful woman," he recalls.

Virtually Free

Shared interests and Second Life, however, have kept them together, says Fishman. Nerad proposed in the real world, but Fishman popped the question in the virtual world by having the words appear floating in the virtual sky. Fishman spent weeks preparing the graphics and art for the virtual wedding, which was attended by about 50 virtual friends. For all the planning and pomp that go into a virtual wedding, getting legally married still requires some real-world paperwork. The couple plan an official (read: real) ceremony later this year.

Nerad says the virtual event was no less special. For her dress, she spent 2,500 Lindens, the Second Life currency that's pegged to the dollar, or about $10. That same amount can also buy mansions in some parts of the game. "I am never going to have a dress like that in real life," Nerad says.

Holahan is a writer for BusinessWeek.com in New York .