Nancy Stephens started a training business, Net-Works, out of her home in Carlisle, Mass., in 1992. She had been the sales manager for a family business and was tired of hard work with no ownership. She excelled at sales so she focused her business on teaching salespeople the art of networking. Her two children, Mark and Allison, were then 3 and 5, respectively, and the family depended on her income. But with her husband's support, she took the plunge.

For the first two years, Nancy and her husband, Tim, juggled child care and the demands of her business with the help of a part-time babysitter. By the second year, she earned more than she had as an employee and still made all the school plays. In the third year, her income was still climbing, and she had a crucial decision to make -- to accept attractive out-of-town assignments and miss some of those school plays or slow down. She and Tim decided that she would go for the new business.

Nancy was torn at first. She worried constantly about not being a good mother, she cried in hotel rooms, and even sandwiched in extra flights just to kiss her kids good night. She was miserable, though her income continued to climb.

Finally, Nancy rewrote the script of what a good mother is. She stopped looking at her family and her work as competitors for her time. The turning point came in 1995, when Nancy decided to take her husband and children, then age 6 and 8, on a business trip to Berlin. As Nancy recalls: "I was shaking when I called my New York client to alert him that my family was coming with me. I was concerned that I would be perceived as unprofessional, but I was also willing to take the risk of losing the client over it. I had reached the point of: 'This is who I am, if you don't like it maybe you need someone else.' My client surpassed my wildest dreams and booked us a complimentary suite at the hotel in Berlin. The work went fabulously. My family spent days touring the city while I worked. One evening, my family and my client dined together. What an experience seeing a senior executive play mind teasers with my 8-year-old for hours in a very posh restaurant in Berlin. Between the fine wine and the kids' giggles, I felt so lucky to have brought my worlds together."

Once Nancy stopped trying to segregate aspects of her life, her business grew even faster and became more profitable than she had ever hoped. She discovered that she didn't have to make a choice between being an involved mother and prosperity.

What are some of Nancy's secrets? At the beginning of the school year, she enters the children's school schedules into her Daytimer. She does her speaking during the day and flies at night. She has all kinds of tricks up her sleeve for managing jet lag. She talks to her kids every day, no matter where she is, unless the time difference is too dramatic -- then they get a fax from her. Mark and Allison understand that travel is a necessary part of what Mommy does. She and her husband volunteer in Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. Plenty of times, Nancy takes them to their dentist appointments. Nancy has even been "Cookie Chair" for the Girl Scouts four years in a row.

As Nancy's business has grown, her family has benefited from her income and now contributes to her success. Her husband, who could afford to quit his job and take a year off to make a much desired career change, now handles the bookkeeping, computers, and inventory. Mark and Allison, now 11 and 13, help every week with administrative work. They each receive monthly paychecks, of which 75% goes into their college fund.

I share Nancy's story with you to help dispel the myth that a woman or a man must choose between parenting and excellence in work. Nancy would tell you that she is not successful in spite of being a mom; she is successful because she is one.

Have a question on how to handle the pressures of running a business and the impact on your personal life, marriage, and family? Contact Azriela Jaffe at AZ@azriela.com. Please put "BW Online question" in the subject field. Your real name will be kept confidential if you request, but please give an E-mail address, phone number, and your hometown so she can contact you for more information. Because of heavy volume, Azriela cannot guarantee that she will answer every query.