Lisa, a 45-year-old client of mine, raged about her shattered dreams and failing marriage: "When my husband, Roy, was laid off from his sales manager's position, he took his severance pay and most of our savings and bought, with a friend, an almost bankrupt company that manufactures chairs. Roy doesn't know anything about chairs -- or running a business. I told him it was a big mistake, but he wouldn't listen to me. I was right. It has been a fiasco since we signed the papers 18 months ago. We lost the house with a huge garden and moved from a beautiful neighborhood to a three-bedroom apartment on the opposite end of town. I'm too humiliated to socialize with my old friends, and our kids had to switch schools.

"The worst part is, I'm losing Roy. He spends more time with his business partner than with me. We never make love anymore, and we can't discuss the business without arguing. He doesn't appreciate how much I'm sacrificing -- all he cares about is his damn business. I'm afraid we're going to end up divorced."

Roy views their circumstances very differently: "I'm doing what it takes to turn a profit. My partner and I knew the business would require a lot of sweat equity, but Lisa expects miracles. She doesn't understand anything about the business, but she's still on my case about how to run it. She complains I'm not affectionate anymore -- how can I be? Whenever I see her she's angry and unhappy, so I've lost any desire. Who wants to make love with someone who complains all the time? I wish she'd just trust me to do what it takes to make this business work."

Lisa and Roy did not understand that there is no such thing as "my business" when you are married. They didn't approach the business as a team, and Lisa was not prepared for the sacrifices. They needed a family plan, as well as a business plan. A family plan addresses the issues that arise when your business alters family life. These are some questions Lisa and Roy should have answered before buying the business:

Financial: How much will we invest before Roy's business becomes profitable? How much credit-card debt can we handle? How will we pay the bills until the business makes money? Could we lose the house? When do we draw the line and shut the business down?

Business: Since Roy used joint savings to capitalize the business, does Lisa have power to make company decisions? How will they resolve conflicts if Lisa disagrees with Roy's decisions but has no authority? How can Roy assuage Lisa's worries and give her a long-term perspective?

Personal sacrifice: How many hours are too much for the family? Is their marriage strong enough to withstand the pressure? What sacrifices won't they make for business success?

Children: Their boys, 9 and 11, miss their dad. They resent the move across town and the lack of money for games, clothes, and after-school activities. How can Roy and Lisa shield their kids from the pressure? How can Roy have enough "quality time" with his boys?

Most couples underestimate the impact on their marriage and family when a spouse goes into business. Whether the venture succeeds immediately or struggles to survive, the pressure can break down the most committed families. No two family plans are identical. Some issues will demand more attention, depending on how you structure your lives. For example:

Full partners in the same business: You will need to clarify how to make business decisions, what responsibilities you'll take on in the business and at home, and how to keep romance alive when you are together 24 hours a day.

Two entrepreneurs with separate businesses: You will struggle with which business has priority over scarce resources. Who babysits while the other works over the weekend? How will you coordinate travel and work schedules? With two businesses, intimate time together will be scarce.

Supportive spouse: If one holds a conventional job or takes care of the kids while the other runs a company, you will spend most of the day in radically different universes. How will you ensure that you don't drift apart?

Family planning for entrepreneurship is a fluid process. The questions you ask yourself will change over your marriage and as your business grows. The good news: Entrepreneurs can start and run businesses in ways that protect marriage and family. A thriving business and rewarding marriage and family life are not mutually exclusive. But no one ever said achieving both at the same time is easy.

Have a question on how to handle the pressures of running a business and the impact on your personal life, marriage, and family? Contact Azriela Jaffe at AZ@azriela.com. Please put "BW Online question" in the subject field. Your real name will be kept confidential if you request, but please give an E-mail address, phone number, and your hometown so she can contact you for more information. Because of heavy volume, Azriela cannot guarantee that she will answer every query.

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