Breaking into the urban "in crowd" is pretty hard when you're from the suburbs, I've come to realize. It's something I'm probably going to run up against a lot as I expand my business to Manhattan.

The point was driven home this summer when the New York New Media Assn., a hugely successful organization representing companies in New York City (and slightly beyond), announced that its annual Super Cybersuds would be on Oct. 25. It's a hot trade show and networking event -- a chance to meet new people, be cool, and generally have a good time.

Being way cool ourselves, we badly wanted in and applied right away. Since Cybersuds is "big," the association decided to limit exhibitors to those that best represent the theme of this year's show, which happened to be e-commerce, and the New York area's new-media community.

Since my staffing company supplies many new-media companies with technical and Web-content writers and high-tech marketing people, I thought we had a good shot at a spot. A booth, by the way, costs about $1,200 -- a small price to pay to mix with this crowd.

Several weeks went by, and we heard nothing. I left a few messages with "the person who is handling that." Nada. I decided to use a strategy that has worked with hard-to-reach-potential clients: the after-hours call.

She knew who I was right away -- I'd been quite a pest already -- and apologized for not getting back to me. But she explained that my company fell under the "staffing" or "recruiting" umbrella and the show was about companies like Amazon or eBay.

She was very nice, but I was still pretty upset. I put up a good fight. "No one does what we do," I told her. We match a lot of our writers with clients on our Web site, and I'm launching a big staffing e-commerce site...yadda, yadda, yadda. After about five minutes, she stopped me and asked me to reapply explaining what I just said.

Last Friday, the deadline for reapplying came, and I didn't follow through. I just couldn't do any better -- without stretching the truth a great deal and launching my new venture prematurely. I thought I had a legitimate "in" the first time around and let it stand. I lost. There was another option -- spend $5,000 and become a "sponsor" for the event. That would have bought me the royal treatment and an end run around the whole application process. But I couldn't afford it.

Friday afternoon, I sent her an e-mail card with the headline "I Surrender!" I think I will go to the show with my staff, though. We'll wear our company T-shirts and work the crowd. We'll turn a negative into a positive.

Still, it's hard not to feel a little dejected, particularly because Invision.com, the company I share an office with and partner with in several ventures, got into the show. That's after I reminded them repeatedly to apply. What's the moral of this story? Mind your own business? Don't share a hot tip with others? I don't think so. It's kind of like high school: It hurts not to be part of the in crowd. Only now it hurts your business as well as your ego.

George Giokas is the president and CEO of StaffWriters Plus, a specialty agency that places writers in temporary and permanent positions with corporate and other employers. It also provides editorial consulting work. His database includes 2,500 writers and editors specializing in more than 60 categories. His Web site is located at www.staffwriters.com, and you can E-mail him at george@staffwriters.com.