What is it about telemarketers? Here's a slice of one of my true-life encounters:

Voice: Hi, can I speak to whoever is responsible for the phone decisions, please?
Me: O.K.
Voice: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Voice: Are you the right person to speak to?
Me: I guess you could say that.
Voice: Would you like to lower your phone bills by half?
Me: No, I think I like them as high as possible. Builds character.
Voice: Excuse me?
Me: Look, this is a very bad time to sell me something. I'm on the other line. Besides, I'm not interested. We're pretty well set.
Voice: But you don't even know what I'm offering.
Me: I can probably guess.
Voice: When's a good time to talk then?
Me: How about Monday, Feb. 4, 2008. Sometime in the late morning.
Voice: I'll call back later this afternoon.
Me: Please don't. As it is, I don't understand how to read my current phone bill. Don't expect me to understand what your offer is. And I do have to go.

I hang up. A few seconds later, the phone rings again.

Different Voice: Hi, can I speak to whoever is responsible for the phone decisions, please?
Me: We fired him. Too rude on the phone.

Just another skirmish with a telemarketer trying to sell something to a small-business owner. I don't really mind getting solicitation calls at the office, unless it's from Larry at Over-the-Edge Brokerage wanting to share a stock secret with me. I figure everyone has to make a living -- except Larry.

What I do mind are telemarketers who won't use common sense -- or some wits -- to pull me into a conversation about their products. I can always tell when the caller goes to the sheet that starts "If the prospect resists,..."

Some of these companies are so lazy that they even resort to pre-recorded messages. They don't deserve to make a living, either, come to think of it. My favorites are the ones that start: "Hello, this is not a waste of your time, I assure you. Just give me a few moments..." Right, buddy. Who would actually accept such an offer? It must happen, though, since they keep doing it.

That's almost as bad as those guys who walk into doctors' waiting rooms, attache case in hand, asking to speak to the "physician-in-charge." A roomful of moaning patients and this cold-caller arrives out of the blue to sell the latest drug or God knows what else to the "physician-in-charge" (whose name he hasn't bothered to read from the plaque on the door).

I don't like selling that way. When I sell my services, I make sure I know plenty about the prospect or I get a reference. I've never used cold-calling lists of companies as part of my strategy.

Obviously, a lot of companies and organizations think that even an occasional bite is worth the considerable annoyance they leave in their wake: I've been solicited for Vietnam veteran donations, police association memberships, office supplies, cleaning services, phone services, beeper services, office space, newspaper subscriptions, novelty items, sales seminars, financial planning, construction, Internet access, and even custom-made suits and shirts. And I always get stuck with these calls because they ask for "the person responsible for purchasing." I'm not big enough yet to get someone else to worry about these things.

Too bad someone can't devise a Caller I.D. system that characterizes calls and tells you how to respond. "Angry customer [Yo, pick up quick]...your wife [pick up]...your mistress [better pick up now]...bill collector [pick up]...the IRS [pick up!]...some lazy salesperson who doesn't know who to ask for [hang up and go to lunch!]."

George Giokas is the president and CEO of StaffWriters Plus, a specialty agency that places writers in temporary and permanent positions with corporate and other employers. It also provides editorial consulting work. His database includes 2,500 writers and editors specializing in more than 60 categories. His Web site is located at www.staffwriters.com, and you can E-mail him at george@staffwriters.com.