I must spend two or three hours a day -- more even -- on the phone. Sometimes, it gets to me. Certain people love to talk. Not me. I value my quiet time even more than a Staples sale on bright, white ink-jet-printer paper. If I have an appointment, I always try to show up about a half hour early and sneak into a coffee shop to gather my thoughts beforehand. It's a Zen-like act of mental preparation.

But as the owner of a staffing company, you have to do lots of talking. So -- given my phone-chat aversion -- I try to husband my mental capacity for the task. Unfortunately, I'm sometimes interrupted by several things -- jerks, namely.

For instance, here's a real-life example of the guy who wanted to sell me a "once-in-a-year offer for a block of stock in a state-of-the-art high-tech company that's going places."

Me: "No."

Him: "But we were given your name as a savvy, resourceful businessman who sees a good deal when he hears one."

Me: "I'll excuse the mixed metaphor. But you're calling me during a very busy day. Go find another resourceful businessman to bother." I hang up.

Brrng. Oh no. Here's another one:

"Is Phil there? Hello? Phil?"

Me: "No, you have the wrong number."

(He reads back the number)

Me: "Yep, that's the number. But there's no Phil here."

Wrong Number: "I was given this number."

Me: "Look, it's obviously the right number but the wrong party. If there were a Phil here, believe me, I would do anything right now to put you on the phone with him."

Wrong Number: "Sorry."

Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again: "Phil?"

Then, there's the monthly call from the "Association of Sheriffs," or something like that, which promises you a nice, official-looking sticker for your car if you cut a check for $200 and "give it to the representative who happens to be in your area today." Almost taken once by this scam early in my business career, I now abuse these guys when they call: "Call here again, Mr. Sheriff, and I'll have the Attorney General representative who happens to be in the area pay you a visit."

Does it end there? No. "But this is about kids and drugs," the alleged sheriff says.
"Well, this is about hanging up," I say. And I do.

By this time, I'm answering the phone with an attitude like the secretary in Ghostbusters: "StaffWriters. Yes? What is it?"

"Wow. I wanted to speak to someone about filling 10 permanent positions. But if you don't have time now, I'll..."

The floor of my office is hard, and I found out how hard it really is when my body went limp, and I rolled off my ergonomic chair. "Uh...hold on, please. I'll get the president of the company for you."

Listen up. This advice is right up there with what your mother said about wearing clean underwear at all times: Always answer the phone as if God himself -- or Bill Gates -- has just gotten through.

George Giokas is the president and CEO of StaffWriters Plus, a specialty agency that places writers in temporary and permanent positions with corporate and other employers. It also provides editorial consulting work. His database includes 2,500 writers and editors specializing in more than 60 categories. His Web site is located at www.staffwriters.com, and you can E-mail him at george@staffwriters.com.