I walked into the office last Monday morning to find an unsolicited fax (I hate when that happens) from a phone company offering competitive local service. The carrier lost credibility with me immediately, because the fax's headline read: "Business customers in New York City now have a choice over NYNEX." Someone should tell this phone company's marketers that NYNEX, which was taken over by Bell Atlantic, has been defunct for about a year. In the next four paragraphs describing its service, the carrier managed to misspell six words, such as "symble" and "investers." Ouch. Hire an editor, and maybe I'll read your solicitation next time. If the phone company can't spell, how can it run a business?

A day doesn't go by for me lately without getting a new offer for phone service, mostly long distance. Not wanting to throw out the possibility of a good deal, I toss these offers on my pile of other solicitations, thinking that one day I'm going to plow through this stuff and figure out the best rate.

Problem is, I never do it -- and the pile just gets bigger and bigger. These phone solicitations are mixed in with a myriad of credit-card offers. When I finally do get to look at them, most of the offers have expired. This kind of makes me happy, because then I can toss the stuff. I don't even care that I missed out on a deal. It's like keeping leftovers in the fridge, knowing full well that you'll never eat them. But letting them go bad gives you a great excuse to throw them out, right?

A lot has been written lately about competitive long-distance services. Maybe I'm thick, but I still don't understand how phone carriers figure out their rates. Have you ever tried to read your phone bill? It's almost as difficult as trying to read a doctor's prescription. And how can you possibly tell how accurate the usage times are? Maybe I'll install one of those phone meters, like the kind lawyers use, to check up on these guys.

Phone bills are laughable, especially now with the extra fees tagged on. Why is it that regulators let all these utility companies pass along fees -- which they should be paying for -- to consumers? I pay fees to the government all the time. But I sure can't raise my rates to reflect every new expense that comes along. It's not as though the Bell Atlantics have much competition, yet. If they get to pass everything on, what exactly are they paying for? Running your own business is complicated enough without having to figure out which phone service to subscribe to. Whatever happened to the good ol' days, when you had one phone service, one bill, and one high rate? I say: Bring them back, monopoly or not. I'm too busy to figure out how to save money.
 

George Giokas is the president and CEO of StaffWriters Plus, a specialty agency that places writers in temporary and permanent positions with corporate and other employers. It also provides editorial consulting work. His database includes 2,500 writers and editors specializing in more than 60 categories. His Web site is located at www.staffwriters.com, and you can E-mail him at george@staffwriters.com.