Recently, I bought new software, pcTelecommute from Symantec, which allows me to plug in and use my office computer from anywhere, as long as there's a phone line handy. To my amazement, the program did everything that it said it would do on the box -- and it was even easy to set up.

My eyebrows are still raised from this experience, but only because my dealings with software have been just the opposite. It reminded me of my old college friend, Jack, who in the '70s inserted a quarter in a subway candy machine and got exactly what he wanted. He stood motionless, turned to me, and said, "Look at that, man, it really works."

Owners of small businesses love to shop for new software. Like someone in pursuit of a great book to read on a vacation, small-businesspeople roam the aisles of CompUSA, reading labels as carefully as they do those on the groceries they buy.

If you're like me, you've probably gone a bit overboard buying stuff. And you probably have a graveyard somewhere on a bookshelf or in a closet that's filled with software that promised world peace and a better life -- but, in all honesty, just added another knot to your stomach. And I bet you've kept all of it, too. I still have installation disks for Windows 3.0 and a full suite of Office products that are now obsolete. Like the neat coasters America Online sends us every month or so, I just can't bring myself to throw out software.

I'm pretty good with computers, and I'm very careful with maintenance. But when it comes to software, I'm like a raging bull. I don't read the manuals. Simply, they are mind-numbing and written in another language.

Have you ever tried to read the so-called "User's Guide" or "Reference Manual" that comes with software? Who writes these things, anyway? The legal department?

These books have one thing in common: In addition to driving you nuts, they all want to drive you to tech support. Think about it. If these books made any sense, you wouldn't need the techies to translate them for you. And there wouldn't be a market for the gazillion other books that try to explain what the original books should have said to begin with.

Instead of reading the manual, I just play with the program until I make enough mistakes to know how to perform tasks. It's not exactly a great method, but it beats this: "A formula field is specified using a calculation expression. A calculation expression consists of operands and operators. Operands are used to name criteria in a filter to sort the records. Operands can be fields, functions, results of an if/then/else statement, or other subexpressions." Holy mind freeze, Batman!

Anyway, as long as these software companies keep cranking out neat stuff to make my business run smoother, I'll continue to be a software junkie.

George Giokas is the president and CEO of StaffWriters Plus, a specialty agency that places writers in temporary and permanent positions with corporate and other employers. It also provides editorial consulting work. His database includes 2,500 writers and editors specializing in more than 60 categories. His Web site is located at www.staffwriters.com, and you can E-mail him at george@staffwriters.com.