I Married an Entrepreneur

Maintaining a healthy relationship with a business owner is tough. A program for spouses at networking group Entrepreneurs' Organization is meant to help

By Karen E. Klein

Being an entrepreneur is time-consuming, energy-draining, and often thankless—and that's when things are going well. However tough as it is to be an entrepreneur, being an entrepreneur's spouse has its own challenges. Spouses face difficulties that are often isolating because details cannot be shared with or understood by friends and family, says Gina Elkins, 48, of San Jose, Calif. For nearly a dozen years, Elkins has found help and support from the spousal forum program of the Entrepreneurs' Organization, a networking group with chapters around the world. The elementary school teacher, whose husband, Hunter, owns Elkins Retail Advertising, spoke recently to Smart Answers columnist Karen E. Klein about how the forum's Silicon Valley chapter has affected her life and marriage. Edited excerpts of their conversation follow.

Karen E. Klein: There are multiple networking and support groups for entrepreneurs. What's the reasoning behind having a group for their spouses?

Gina Elkins: Being married to an entrepreneur is very different than being married to someone who has a 9-to-5 job. The challenges that come up are unique. Even if you're like me and you are fortunate to have a great support system at home and with friends, you still need a place to share and troubleshoot and get perspectives specifically on the entrepreneur experience.

How do the EO spousal forums work?

The forums are open to all EO chapters and all active members. All members go through forum training before being invited into a forum group. The spouses or significant others participate in the same training program as the business owners. It uses a Gestalt language protocol and provides a structure for forum meetings.

The spousal forum meetings mimic the structure of the EO members' meetings. Each group develops [a] constitution that is revisited and updated annually or as needed.

It would be easy for meetings to devolve into gripe sessions about how much time your spouse works. Is that why the meetings are highly structured?

Yes. At the beginning of each meeting, you have four or five minutes to check in on the best and the worst things happening in your family, business, and personal life. If it feels like someone is bringing up the same issue over and over again, they're asked to make a presentation on it.

The response would not be to make someone feel like they're a broken record. But others would be open to sharing relevant experience they have had in the same area. It's very important that there's no judgment and no advice-giving in the forums.

Why not give advice?

Whether we realize it or not, advice comes with judgment. If you imply that someone is not going about things the right way, advice can spiral into something demeaning or judgmental without the advice-giver even knowing it.

It's very hard for me—with my Italian upbringing and my outgoing nature—because I want to jump in and tell people what to do. It's been good for me to examine whether I have an experience that's relevant for one of the other members to hear and if it will be helpful for them, without me telling them they should do the same or hurting their feelings.

Are there male spouses who join the groups?

We have not had men in our group, but there are many spousal forums that do have men as members. Some of the members could be in the business owners' forums also. Many of them have a part in their spouse's business. I'm a classroom teacher so I know lots of things about my husband's business but I'm not formally involved.

What have you gotten out of your group?

I've gotten input from a much wider group of people than I would normally run across in my social circle.