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& DESIGN Home Page Architecture Brand Equity Auto Design Game Room SMALLBIZ Smart Answers Success Stories Today's Tip INVESTING Investing: Europe Annual Reports BW 50 S&P Picks & Pans Stock Screeners Free S&P Stock Report SCOREBOARDS Hot Growth 100 Mutual Funds Info Tech 100 S&P 500 B-SCHOOLS Undergrad Programs MBA Blogs MBA Profiles MBA Rankings Who's Hiring Grads | | JULY 19, 2000 WORK & FAMILY By Jill Hamburg Coplan Child-Care Options When Your Husband Isn't Helping Yes, you can find an affordable caregiver. And start scouting for day care soon
My husband and I run a small business together. Since our first child was born last year, I've stayed at home. Recently I resumed working a few hours a day while watching the baby. I'd like my husband to do the same thing for a few hours each day so I can work uninterrupted and the two of them can have more time together. He is reluctant, however. I've considered child care, but we can't afford an experienced nanny, and the baby is too young for a day-care center. -- W.G., Brooklyn, N.Y. It sure sounds like first-time parenthood. You're naturally overprotective, yet you're missing being involved with your company. Dad doesn't seem to be sharing the child-care burden fairly -- the pieces of your new lives haven't quite fallen into place. You simply need to find a caregiver you like. Now that your baby is past six months, the timing is perfect. Many experts actually say it's crucial by the age of nine months to get junior accustomed to the care of an adult other than a parent. You don't have to pay top dollar. According to the legendary child-care maven Benjamin Spock, writing with Steven J. Parker in the 1998 edition of Baby and Child Care (Pocket Books), the best nanny is the one with a congenial disposition. FIND THE MONEY. "Don't worry about lots of experience," Spock writes. While it's comforting if the sitter knows the sound of croup, "illness and injuries are a very small part of a child's life." Go for the right spirit instead -- and cleanliness. "Find a caregiver who'll provide affection, firm guidance, and responsiveness to their questions and achievements," he writes. "Toward children she should be affectionate, understanding, comfortable, sensible, and self-confident. She should love and enjoy them without smothering them with attention. She should be able to control them without nagging or severity." Hire the sitter for a few hours and stick around to observe. You say you can't afford anyone? Make some changes in your spending habits. "It's bull about not having enough money for a sitter for a few hours," says Talane Miedaner, author of Coach Yourself to Success: 101 Tips from a Personal Coach for Reaching Your Goals at Work and Life (Contemporary, 2000). "Don't eat out. Cancel your magazine subscriptions. You need to be able to go to work, and the way you're doing it now -- let's be real! -- is not an effective way." Phase 2 of your plan should be to scout around for a high-quality, well-funded day-care center, the ideal environment for your child at the age of two or three. By then, it's widely agreed, babies profit from and enjoy other kids' company. They also need the extra space and equipment available for running, making noise, climbing, and building. Look for a center with a stable and well-trained staff. A sitter now and a center next year are far better solutions than trying to strong-arm your husband. If you want him to do more -- and what business-owning mother doesn't? -- hone your negotiating skills, says Judy Feld, a small- and home-office expert and author of The SOHO Success Letter. "Be specific" with him, she says. "Be clear as far as the behaviors, the time frame, and the results you want, and phrase it in the form of a request. Once your opening position is on the table and the give-and-take begins, use this phrase: 'What would it take to have you share the parent care?' That's a very different question than 'Why can't you do more?'" Dad just may have some interesting solutions. Send your questions to frontierlife@businessweek.com.  Jill Hamburg Coplan has covered work, family, business, and finance for the past decade as a writer and editor for newspapers, magazines, and wire services. She left Working Woman magazine, where she was senior editor, when her first child was born and now works solo from a home office in Brooklyn, N.Y. You can e-mail her at Jill Hamburg Coplan  | | |
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