| DO |
|---|
| Get a read on the situation: Talk to your parents and get details on the state of their health. Call their primary physician if necessary. Take a look around their house or apartment to see if they may be neglecting basic maintenance and household tasks, a sign that their self-sufficiency may be diminishing. It can be as simple as opening the refrigerator to see if they have enough food—or checking for a pile of unpaid bills on the desk. |
| Get documentation in order: The Terri Schiavo case increased awareness of what can happen to people when they don't clarify their preferences about medical treatment. Be sure to discuss and get advance directives from elderly relatives on what to do in ambiguous medical situations such as a vegetative state. This also goes for ensuring that there is a will and establishing who has power of attorney. |
| Ask your employer: Many organizations offer elder care referral services. It might be a good idea to see how your company can help. |
| Pay a visit: Assisted living facilities are often understaffed and those residents who receive visitors may be more likely to receive better attention from the staff. Be sure your loved ones get as much attention and participate in as many activities as is appropriate. |
| Coordinate with siblings: Taking care of—or financing the care for—an elderly relative can be time consuming and expensive. Make sure that siblings and others responsible for a parent's well-being are aware of their responsibilities. It might even be a good idea to schedule regular updates for everyone involved. |
| Listen to your elders: They are adults with plenty of life experience. Listen to what they want and make sure they have a voice in their own future. |
| DON'T |
|---|
| Start too late: It shouldn't take a crisis—like a sudden turn in health—for family members to address the care needs of elderly parents. Have an ongoing conversation with aging relatives about what they want and the options available to them. |
| Be bossy around the staff: When talking with the people who care for your relatives, make requirements clear, but don't be aggressive. They may know your parents' needs and habits as well as you do. When change is necessary, be firm but maintain a respectful tone. |
| Neglect yourself: Taking care of an elderly relative can be tough and even frightening. Don't make it worse by forgetting to take good care of yourself. Treat yourself to the occasional reward, and try to find someone who can share the duties with you. If the process is proving particularly stressful, don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or therapist. |