10 Tips for Networkers

Predatory networkers have given the art of making connections a bad name. Here are some ways to handle predatory networkers—and avoid being one yourself

by Liz Ryan

If you want to impress your friends with a fancy new word you've learned, here's a good one: retronym.

Dictionary.com defines it as "a term, as acoustic guitar, coined in modification of the original referent that was used alone, as guitar, to distinguish it from a later contrastive development, as electric guitar."

I bring this up in a workplace-advice column only because I've got a new retronym to add to our vocabulary, and it's this: "non-disgusting networking." Yes, back in the old days we could talk about plain old networking, referring to business events after hours and industry galas where businesspeople would mingle. We could use the word networking to refer to our LinkedIn activities and other kinds of outreach that happened among professional types online. Those days are pretty much gone. Now, if we don't want to alarm people when we talk about our networking endeavors, we have to be quick to note that we're talking about the non-disgusting kind.

It's sad that we have to qualify our networking as non-disgusting, but it's not surprising. Predatory networkers have all but taken over the networking ecosystem, grabbing up business cards by the dozen and accumulating LinkedIn contacts as though they were notches on a Dodge City sheriff's belt. It's depressing. But there are still plenty of non-disgusting, non-predatory, genuinely happy-to-know-you networkers out there, and they're fighting back.

If you want to create business relationships and meet people to learn more about them (rather than to add them to your newsletter subscriber list), you're not alone. We don't have to give in and allow disgusting, me-first networkers to take over the world. Here are my 10 tips for how to network in a courteous, professional way—and how to deal with those who don't.

Spare Me the Speech

Nothing signals "gimme" like a networker who can't stop talking about his business. If you're being elevator-speeched to death, just say "No." Or, to be polite about it, say: "I wish I could stay to hear more about your business, but I spot a person I've got to catch up with tonight. Nice chatting with you!" Then dash off.

Shall I Take Your Order Now?

Run away from networkers whose purpose is to sign you up on the spot—for a newsletter, a free hour of coaching, or a fascinating teleseminar about their products. Networking should be about people. Business can follow at its own speed. If you're being sold, get out of Dodge.

Can You Introduce Me?

It's rude for a new acquaintance to ask for an introduction to your boss, the purchasing manager in your company, or anyone at all. You haven't established the relationship yet that would make that kind of request appropriate. If you're asked to be a turtle whose back your new contact can step on, push back. "I wish I could make that introduction," you'll say warmly, "but it's impossible." Then scoot.

Why, Spam for Me? You Shouldn't Have!

The day after a networking event, when the unsolicited newsletters start rolling in, write to the senders. "Something is wrong with your newsletter mailer!" you say. "My address was added to the distribution list without my permission. I knew you would want to know." Unsolicited LinkedIn invitations, ditto. Same for Facebook, Plaxo, Xing, and all the other venues where people to try to convince you that you're great friends. A two-minute conversation does not a friendship make.

I'd Love to Meet You So You Can Help Me

Outreach to strangers—oops, I meant to say "people we haven't been introduced to yet"—is perfectly fine as long as basic rules of courtesy stay in place. It's the height of bad manners to write to a person you don't know to say: "I saw your profile/heard your podcast/read your article/saw your quote in the paper. Let's meet so you can help me find a job!"