How to Give and Receive Criticism

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Responding to the same column, "cp" wrote:

I really can't believe this guy has a PhD and is wasting his time writing a column like this. I guess a PhD makes him smarter than me and I really didn't know until a smart person like him pointed this out to me. Sounds to me someone needs to go out and make some friends to learn what it is like to be a NORMAL person.

Well, I may have been completely mistaken in arguing against betting at the office, but both "peter" and "cp” missed an opportunity to explain why this was so.

The only meaningful criticism about a person's ideas focuses on the soundness or validity of that person's argument rather than his or her personal characteristics. This means we must consider the truth of the claims in the argument and whether the conclusion logically follows from the premise. Anything else isn't criticism at all, but merely an attempt by the critic to blow off steam, get some attention, transfer his or her frustrations to someone else, or any number of other irrelevant issues.

Why It's In Our Own Interest to Acknowledge Criticism

What should we do when someone criticizes us? As long as the criticism isn't petty, vicious, personal, or otherwise way off base, we should take it to heart. It's only by carefully considering what a critic has to say that we're able to become better. Of course it's hard to do this, since we need to have both self-confidence and humility to acknowledge that we may be misguided. It's understandable that our first reaction to criticism is a refusal to consider the critic's points. Nevertheless even the most expert among us can have room for improvement. We can't maintain excellence or hope to improve if we refuse to work on ourselves, which means, in part, taking criticism seriously.

The Rules of Fair Play

When you want to criticize someone:

1. Begin by finding something you like or appreciate about the person you're about to criticize. This is not only fair, but will also make the person more likely to be receptive to what you have to say.

2. Focus on what that person has said or done, not on him or her personally. Only the former is relevant and likely to be acknowledged.

3. Conclude by affirming your faith that the other person will consider what you have to say. This is both a respectful way to wrap up the criticism and the best way to ensure that your remarks will be given their due.

When someone criticizes you:

1. Resist the urge to dismiss the critic. Considering what the person has to say will only strengthen your own understanding of the issue you care about.

2. Recognize that you may not be right. You may be unaware of one or more of the facts relevant to your argument, or you may have ignored some of the rules or principles at stake.

3. Realize that ad hominem attacks say more about the person making them than about you. Rather than sink to the level of such attacks, it's wise to ignore them.

Our goal in life can be to bring out the best in others and ourselves, or it can be to puff up our own egos and debase others by exploiting our power over them. If the former is our mission, we would do well to give criticism respectfully and receive it graciously whenever it is offered in good faith.

Weinstein is the corporate consultant, author, and public speaker known as The Ethics Guy. He has appeared on numerous national TV shows and is the author of several books on ethics. His Ask the Ethics Guy! column appears every other week on BusinessWeek.com's Managing channel.