Marshall & Friends June 19, 2009, 11:35AM EST

Effectively Influencing Decision-Makers

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We all make mistakes. When your managers make mistakes, focus more on helping them than judging them.

8. Treat decision-makers with the same courtesy that you would treat customers—don't be disrespectful.

While it is important to avoid kissing up to decision-makers, it is just as important to avoid the opposite reaction. A surprising number of middle managers spend hours trashing the company and its executives or making destructive comments about other co-workers.

Before speaking, it is generally good to ask four questions:

• Will this comment help our company?

• Will this comment help our customers?

• Will this comment help the person I am talking to?

• Will this comment help the person I am talking about?

If the answers are no, no, no, and no, don't say it! There is a big difference between total honesty and dysfunctional disclosure. As we discussed earlier, it is always important to "challenge up" on integrity issues. It is inappropriate to stab decision-makers in the back.

9. Support the final decision of the organization. Don't tell direct reports, "They made me tell you."

Assuming that the final decision of the organization is not immoral, illegal, or unethical, go out and try to make it work. Managers who consistently say, "They told me to tell you" to co-workers are seen as messengers, not leaders. Even worse, don't say, "Those fools told me to tell you…" By demonstrating our lack of commitment to the final decision, we may sabotage the chances for effective execution.

A simple guideline for communicating difficult decisions is to ask, "How would I want someone to communicate my final decision when that person disagreed with me?" Treat decision-makers the same way that you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. If you stab your boss in the back in front of your direct reports, what are you teaching them to do when they disagree with you?

10. Make a positive difference—don't just try to "win" or "be right."

We can easily become more focused on what others are doing wrong than on how we can make things better. An important guideline in influencing up is to always remember your goal: making a positive difference for the organizations.

Corporations are different from academic institutions. In an academic institution, the goal may be just sharing diverse ideas, without a need to affect the bottom line. Hours of acrimonious debate can be perfectly acceptable. In a corporation, sharing ideas without having an impact is worse than useless. It is a waste of the stockholders' money and a distraction from serving customers.

When I was interviewed at the Harvard Business Review, I was asked, "What is the most common 'area for improvement' for the executives that you meet?" My answer was "winning too much." Focus on making a difference. The more other people can be "right" or "win" with your idea, the more likely your idea is to be successfully executed.

11. Focus on the future—let go of the past.

One of the most important behaviors to avoid is whining about the past. Have you ever managed someone who incessantly whined about how bad things are? When people consistently whine, they inhibit any change they may have for bettering the future. Their managers tend to view them as annoying. Their direct reports view them as inept. Nobody wins.

Successful people love getting ideas aimed at helping them achieve their goals for the future. By focusing on the future, you can concentrate on what can be achieved tomorrow, not what was not achieved yesterday. This future orientation may dramatically increase your odds of effectively influencing decision-makers. It will also help you build better long-term relationships with people at all levels of your organization.

In summary, think of the years that you have spent "perfecting your craft." Think of all of the knowledge that you have accumulated. Think about how your knowledge can potentially benefit your organization. How much energy have you invested in acquiring all of this knowledge? How much energy have you invested in learning to present this knowledge to decision-makers so that you can make a real difference? My hope is that by making a small investment in learning to influence decision-makers, you can make a large, positive difference for the future of your organization.

Marshall Goldsmith is the author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller Succession: Are You Ready? as well as the New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller What Got You Here Won't Get You There, a Harold Longman Award winner for Business Book of the Year. He can be reached at Marshall@MarshallGoldsmith.com, and he provides his articles and videos online at MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com.