Want More Influence? Just Ask

Forget pleading, bargaining, or manipulating. Get what you want by proffering a simple invitation

By Joseph Grenny

Imagine for a moment that you're a billionaire. Kind of fun, wasn't it? Now imagine some other billionaire rings you up and says, "Hey, I've got a great idea. How about giving away most of your money? In return for doing so, I'll add your name to a list of other do-gooders, and everyone will think you're just swell."

Would you do it?

In the last month, the 16th billionaire just made this exact commitment. It's astounding. Months ago, Bill Gates—one of the more clever influencers in the world—decided to start asking other well-heeled folks to join him in a pledge to give away most of their wealth while still living. Realizing the power of social influence, he formalized this request by creating a list to which he'd add the billionaires' names if they stepped up to the challenge. Now I don't want to take anything away from the generous folks who have assented to the invitation, but let's face it. They did so only after Gates called and offered to add them to the public list.

Humans have many illusions about their own behavior. Some of us think we're value-driven. We stand up for what we think despite the storms of criticism we might call down. Others believe it's all about incentives. If you want to change employees' behavior, by golly, change the incentive system and they'll pivot in a heartbeat! And while I'm a firm believer in the power of values and the pull of incentives, I also think we underestimate one of the most potent sources of influence: the force of a polite, public invitation.

The Power of a Request

Harvard economist Felix Oberholzer-Gee was baffled to discover this while trying to cut in line at busy airports. Gee and his colleagues offered harried travelers money to let him move ahead of them. He predicted—as any self-respecting economist would—that if you offered people more cash, they'd be more likely to let you cut. And son of a gun, it worked. Far more people would let him pass when he proffered $10 instead of a lousy buck. But he wasn't sure what to do with the rest of the story. While more people would agree to let him cut in return for the higher offer, those who agreed were also less likely to accept the money.

What's going on here? Why would those influenced by the higher offer not snatch it up? Because the transaction was not economic; it was social. People interpreted the higher offer as a measure of the importance of getting ahead in line. As those in line understood a fellow traveler's need, they felt obligated to help. It wasn't the money but rather the request—bolstered by evidence of the magnitude of the need—that ultimately influenced people's actions.

And yet, when you and I ponder what we can do to influence those around us, we grossly underestimate the power of simple public requests. A polite and public invitation transforms already-formidable social influence into a tsunami-like propulsion to commit.

Now we could chalk up Gates' success as a measure of his enormous personal influence. And I'm confident the invitees found Gates' invitation attractive because they'd like to be well-respected by such a person. However, two other relevant variables exist, and mere mortals like you and me can control them: where you ask and how you ask.

Moment of Openness

I once watched an org chart get turned on its head by such a potent invitation. Beau was an imposing figure, the chief executive officer of an international manufacturing conglomerate. He exaggerated the natural power of his title by wearing a scowl on his face and speaking in a deep authoritative voice—even when ordering a cheeseburger. As his first act after taking his position, he implemented a major reorganization that tore the company into fragments and then stitched it back together into a three-dimensional matrix. Three years later, engineers were still struggling to figure out how to make decisions and get things done. Beau dismissed the incessant criticism as whining by those who had lost power in the transaction.