Caught Between the Elder Care and Education Money Pits

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What we are not going to do is make compromises on our kids' education," she says.

Joy Loverde, author of The Complete Eldercare Planner, typically advises clients against quitting their jobs to care for an aging parent, because they often lose out on valuable benefits such as employee-assistance programs, eldercare services, company-sponsored health care, and retirement savings. A better option is to hire a geriatric case worker to manage a parent's care, she says.

Loverde also warns about the downsides of moving elderly relatives into your home. "Asking people to live together after so many years apart is a huge challenge," she says. "The relationships have all shifted in one way or another, and few people of the sandwich generation realize the emotional aspects of the decision."

Before inviting a parent to move in, Loverde advises asking some hard questions, including: Has the entire family agreed that this living arrangement is a good thing? Are you just doing it out of guilt? What happens if the arrangement doesn't work out?

Financial adviser Jerry Paul, 56, of Essential Investment Partners in Denver, thinks he has those questions covered. Soon, four generations of Paul's family will share his 6,000-square-foot home in Greenwood Village, Colo. Paul's mother-in-law, Mary, 79, moved there in January from an independent living facility that cost $2,500 per month. His daughter Laura, 28, will occupy the finished basement with her husband, Spencer, and their one-year-old daughter so they can save for their own house.

Paul's family, including his wife, Deb, 52, has spent much time discussing logistics. Because Deb and her mother are often home, Paul expects they will help with babysitting while Laura returns to school for a degree in medical transcription and Spencer works at his telecommunications job. Yet one lingering concern is how the kitchen will be shared among three women who all like to cook. Each family unit will get designated storage space, but most food will be shared and everyone is expected to help pay for it.

In theory, Paul's arrangement offers a number of advantages to people who are juggling the logistics of caring for children and parents. Anne Campbell, for one, still wishes her parents, who live two hours away, would move in with her—even though she knows it could be a challenge. "As a society, we are not going to solve this problem unless we go back to the old days of families living together," she says. She often jokes with her law firm colleagues about buying a derelict motel in their California town, fixing it up, "and putting all of our loved ones in it." After a pause, she adds: "I'm only half kidding."

To return to the Retirement table of contents.

Young is a Personal Business editor for BusinessWeek .

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