Work-Life Balance: It's Never Too Late

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We power-stressed people are pretty typical: We take our responsibilities seriously, work hard, and constantly step up to the unending small problems and big crises that are inevitable in many of our companies. All the while, though, we feel guilty about what we aren't doing at home. Emotionally, we are constantly on high alert, prepared for "fight or flight." When we live this way for a long time, without deliberate and regular renewal, we become less able to see the big picture. We are less creative, less self-aware, less mindful. We are trapped in an endless cycle of sacrificing too much, for too long, and for the wrong reasons.

Collapsing Under Pressure

This happens because our brains and our bodies are simply not equipped to deal with constant pressure, constant sacrifices. If we want to truly be peak performers, we have to regularly turn off. Research into neuropsychology tells us that when we live with chronic stress, as many people do these days, we shut down to ourselves and to others. We lose our edge. We make bad decisions, don't think things through, become sharp with people, micromanage. Our emotional intelligence disappears and our cognitive abilities are compromised.

So, if you are heading in this direction, what can you do? Take the advice I gave to Max: "It's not too late. Don't assume that this is the way the rest of your life has to be. Find your dreams again. Your daughter's only 12. This is a wake-up call, not a curtain call." I encouraged Max over and over again to envision how he wanted the rest of his life's movie to play. Then we set about taking these steps to make that story become reality:

Listen to life's wake-up calls. Perhaps your wake-up calls aren't as dramatic as Max's. But maybe you've noticed that you don't laugh as much as you used to, you've quit going to the gym, or you don't have time to do the things you enjoy most. Maybe you're more irritated with people at work, and it shows. Or family life seems too focused on everyday tasks—you're not just hanging out and having fun together as often as you used to. Listen! Don't wait for a big wake-up call: Make course adjustments now.

Practice mindfulness. Find balance inside. Pay attention to your mind, body, heart, and spirit. Managing power stress requires that you attend regularly to all aspects of your self and become more attuned to others as well. This doesn't happen by accident. Most of us need to develop and then practice the art of reflection. Try finding a few minutes of quiet time alone each day, even if it's just five minutes before getting up in the morning, walking from the train, or a quiet moment in the park. Focus simply on breathing and calming your mind.

Find hope. Hope—an image of a positive and feasible future—inspires us to dig deep down, to find the strength to move in the direction of our dreams. Hope is a powerful force, what researchers call a positive emotional attractor. On a neurological level, the experience of hope actually helps us to counter the negative effects of life's pressures and burdens. Positive emotions trigger our parasympathetic nervous system, releasing biochemicals that enhance our capacity for creativity, resilience, and focus. The positive emotional attractor is a powerful driver of behaviors—particularly when it comes to changing our behaviors and adopting new ones.

So imagine your life in 10 years: What will you be doing? Who's sharing your life? What work will capture your passion? What's your ideal?

Over time, and after he could imagine the full life he wanted most at home and at work, Max began to have the courage and the energy to change. It began with small steps: He started going to his daughter's soccer games. He just showed up with no expectations of her, just of himself, wanting only to be a true supportive presence in her life. After a while, they started biking the few miles to the games together and chatting a bit along the way. At the same time, he and his wife agreed to take walks every Sunday together—no talking, just being together. It didn't take long before they felt comfortable with each other once again, open enough to share their thoughts, their frustrations, and their hopes for their family.

But change didn't happen only at home. In his new frame of mind, infused with a new kind of optimism and a sense of what was possible, Max approached work differently, too. Every single morning he found time to close his door for 10 minutes and simply reflect. He focused optimistically on the day before, on the day ahead, and became adept at thinking about the challenges, problems, and solutions without letting the stress knock him off his game. And instead of eating on the run every day, he began inviting a direct report or another team member to join him for lunch several times a week. By spending more and better time with the people in his life, he slowly reawakened his own passion for his career as he rebuilt his connection with his family.

I imagine Max's advice would be: You can change. Listen to life's wake-up calls. Allow yourself to imagine and dream. Reconnect to yourself and others, and you will find your way back to a more meaningful life.

It's not too late.

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