What's Eating Mr. Market?

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So what are you doing to try to address all these worries?

It seems like everything I do backfires. Everyone says I should invest in commodities, but that feels like another bubble ready to burst—like housing and tech earlier this decade. And everybody's advice seems worthless: At the beginning of the year, some guy on TV told me to invest in defensive sectors like health care. "People still need to see doctors during a recession," he said. But my health-care stocks are down 15%, much worse than the rest of my portfolio!

That has to do with the election, I think. Health-care investors are worried about Democrats' reform plans.

The election, that's another thing stressing me out!

Oh, you were a big Hillary supporter, right?

No, I haven't supported a candidate since Wendell Willkie. But that's not the problem. I'm stressed out because the election just adds to the uncertainty. For 20 years, we've had Bushes and Clintons in the White House. I didn't always like them, but I knew where they stood. Obama and McCain: Who are these guys (BusinessWeek, 6/11/08) and what do they really want to do? Big changes could be ahead—not just for health care but for defense, energy, taxes, and regulations of airlines, consumer products, and Wall Street.

Remember, Mr. Market, we said we would try to keep things in perspective. Let's try to describe the situation again, but without so much negativity. I took the liberty of discussing your case with a few other specialists, like Quincy Krosby…

Who's he?

She, Mr. Market. She's the chief investment strategist at the Hartford (HIG).

Oops, sorry.

Krosby agreed that this is a very uncertain time, but that's when stocks are cheapest, she said. "When there is certainty, that's when markets are very expensive."

That makes sense…

And Matt Kaufler, manager of the Touchstone Value Opportunities Fund (CCETX) said: "This is the kind of environment that, as a value investor, you drool for."

Come on Doc, I haven't drooled in at least six months. But I see what they're saying. I am investing for the long term, so maybe I should take this chance to put more money in stocks before they get expensive again. But I'm still stressed out. Stocks may be cheap, but it seems like nothing else is. Just take a trip to the gas station, or the supermarket.

Speaking of which, i noticed that your hourly rate has gone up…

Yes, unfortunately I've been forced to add a "fuel surcharge."

That's ridiculous!

Sorry, I'm just following the price guidelines of the psychiatric cartel. After all, it costs a lot of money to drive my Hummer back and forth to the office.

Uhhh…

Anyway, it looks like our time is up. See you next week.

Steverman is a reporter for BusinessWeek's Investing channel. Andrews is managing editor of the Investing Channel for BusinessWeek.com .