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Rather than drown her sorrows in a glass of Dom Perignon, Lorna Wendt set up the Institute for Equality in Marriage two years ago. On Nov. 1, the group launched its first comprehensive Web site, equalityinmarriage.com, aimed at encouraging users to take a hard look at their relationships before the money battles begin. The premise, as stated on the homepage, is that "marriage is a 50-50 partnership and the most important social contract you will ever enter." Through a series of quizzes and helpful hints for every stage of a relationship's life, the site aims to help users make sure that they're getting their fair share. And, of course, there's a plug for Lorna Wendt's case, which continues to drag on in the appeals courts even as Gary Wendt has left GE and become CEO at Conseco Inc. But Wendt's tale is the least interesting part of the site, if only because many might find it hard to sympathize with a multimillionaire crying the blues. A better place to start is the quiz that appears under the headline: "How Equal is Your Partnership?" It covers everything from advice on how to handle money in a second marriage to a list of the states with community property laws, which usually mean that marital assets are split down the middle. KIDS, CASH, AND CONTRACTS. While some questions may seem obvious, such as one that asks if judges always give custody to the mother, the answers can highlight some interesting details. According to the institute, 85% of the children in divorce cases stay with their mothers -- mostly because fathers don't ask for custody. Other questions are useful for avoiding common pitfalls. When a spouse feels financially strained during a drawn-out divorce process, for example, the worst response is to rush a settlement. Instead, the judge can issue temporary or emergency orders providing support until a full settlement is reached. Each answer has a hyperlink to a related subject. After noting that divorces in first marriages tend to occur from the third to fifth year, for example, the site offers to show how premarital agreements can build a stronger union. Wendt & Co. believe such controversial documents help ensure equality in financial matters. Unlike some divorce-oriented sites, this one focuses both on taking care of business -- and of yourself -- in different kinds of relationships. The five categories are: Before Marrying, During Marriage, When Divorcing, After Divorce, and In New Relationships. Some business issues before marriage include name changes, merging money, maintaining a credit rating, and, of course, drawing up a prenuptial agreement. At the moment, the site generally stresses the importance of such subjects and offers general hints -- with the promise that model agreements will be posted as a reference tool within the next six months. MORE THAN MONEY. On the personal side, topics include skills to help love survive, spiritual values, religious marriage contracts, and "partnership tips from the pros," such as author Gary Smalley's suggestion to "establish a love account and make regular deposits, positive experiences that provide your mate energy and security." Institute Executive Director Ellen Sabin says the goal is to take a holistic approach that covers "not just the financial and legal issues but also the emotional, spiritual and self-esteem ones." While Wendt is clearly trying to expand her reach to both genders in all stages of the relationship, it's fair to assume that most users won't rush here for feel-good tips on preserving their marriage. After all, 80% of those who contact Wendt's institute for advice and information are women, and 60% are going through a divorce. No wonder much of the site is devoted to preparing for when a marriage goes sour -- from postnuptial agreements (for those who forgot to get one before walking down the aisle) to warning signs that all is not well. Two biggies: Your partner stops worrying about personal hygiene when it's just the two of you, and the television is always on. Sure, the site comes with a clear point of view, even an ax to grind. There's a section called Explore Social Issues that outlines the institute's stance on various issues related to marriage and divorce. Suffice it to say that Wendt sees it as a pure 50-50 partnership, meaning full sharing of stock options and pensions as well as lifetime alimony for spouses who lack the skills to get a job that will keep them in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed, even though laws in most states don't share that view. LASTING COMMITMENT. In short, it's a platform for Wendt. And why not? The woman has already plowed more than $2 million of her settlement into the institute -- making fund-raising another of the site's priorities. Still, it would be a mistake to simply dismiss www.equalityinmarriage.org as a sounding board for a bitter divorcée. The number of divorced adults has grown to 20 million from 4.3 million only three decades ago. Many of them -- whether they're coming into, or out of, a relationship -- could benefit from learning more about the risks of financial ignorance and the rewards of open communication. Corporations Editor Brady covers business strategies and trends from New York |
