Set a clear course for achievement. Do you have a mission that really energizes you? Do you have a vision for where you are taking your business and what it will look like when you reach that peak? Sometimes we lose our own sense of accountability because we do not know if doing something will get us what we really want. It all starts with having a clear picture of where you are going and how you plan to get there.

Start with yourself. When expense budgets get out of control, we start cutting costs to ensure we do not exceed our targets. It should be the same with other deliverables. Don’t "try" to get that key project done. Get it done. Make it happen. Commit. Change your mindset and your language to match your new approach to accountability.

Broaden your idea base. Involve other experienced parties, such as your employees, alliance partners, or even vendors in generating ideas. Commit to getting back to them with progress reports on how the solutions worked. Letting others "own" a piece of the outcome makes them interested in what is happening and drives your own sense of accountability to them.

Make a commitment to following these suggestions and make yourself more accountable to your business. You will quickly find that by doing so, you will be a more productive business owner.

Dave Mischler

President

Inner Circle Chicago

Chicago

And now its ending. BusinessWeek is going through some wrenching changes as Bloomberg, its new owner, overhauls and improves it. Most of this blog's writers have left over the years, and today I'm going as well. After 17 years at BusinessWeek I decided it was time to take my buyout and consider new opportunities. Scary? Totally. As a single parent, I don't have another income to fall back on, so I will not be spending the next few months lolling on exotic beaches. But I hope my daughter will see my choice as an inspiration. I never want her to be afraid to try new things, shake up her life, set out on new adventures.
I will miss this blog a lot though, and our many readers. Your comments have been insightful, funny, sad, and yes, hostile at times, but I loved the dialogue.

So, off I go. I urge you to look through our archives and read some of the many great posts over the past four years. Amy Dunkin, our founding editor, put together a wonderful team in 2006, including former colleagues Toddi Gutner and James Mehring. Anne Tergesen and then Lauren Young kept it going after Amy left, and then they moved on. Savita, Minette, Anne Newman and Mauro have all made valuable contributions in the past year. I hope other working parents from Bloomberg step up. Meanwhile, I leave you with two more recipes, below, just to keep the tradition going. The first, a beef, mushroom and onion tart, is from the March issue of Better Homes and Gardens, and it couldn't be simpler, or more delicious. The second is a killer cookie, cashew butterscotch bars, that no one, I mean no one, can resist. I know, I know, neither one is all that healthy, but hey, I'm leaving. Let's break out the treats.

* 1 lb lean ground beef
* 1 8-oz. pkg. sliced mushrooms
* 1/2 of a medium red onion, cut in thin wedges
* 1/4 to 1/2 tsp. salt
* 1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
* 1 13.8-oz. pkg. refrigerated pizza dough
* 3 oz. blue cheese, crumbled
* Fresh oregano and/or pizza seasoning (optional)
(could also use dry oregano, or whatever other seasoning you like)
Directions

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees F. In a 12-inch skillet, cook beef, mushrooms, and onion over medium heat about 8 minutes or until beef is browned and onion is tender, stirring occasionally. Drain off fat. Stir in salt and pepper.

2. Meanwhile, grease a large baking sheet or line with parchment. Unroll pizza dough on baking sheet Roll or pat dough to a 15x12-inch rectangle. Top dough with beef mixture, keeping filling within 1-1/2 inches of all edges. Fold edges over the filling, pleating as needed.

3. Bake tart 15 minutes or until crust is golden. Top with blue cheese, oregano, and pizza seasoning. Makes 4 servings.
Nutrition Facts

Cashew Butterscotch Bars

(be sure to use salted, roasted cashews. Unsalted just won't do it)

Ingredients:
Crust:
2 2/3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 1/4 cups unsalted butter, cold
1 1/8 cups light brown sugar, packed

Topping:
1 2/3 cups butterscotch chips
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons light corn syrup
3 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons water
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
2 cups cashew pieces, roasted and salted

Method:
Position one rack in the middle of the oven and preheat the oven to 350˚. Grease a 12 x 17-inch sheet pan lightly with softened butter and line it with aluminum foil, pressing the foil up the sides of the pan and into the corners. Grease the foil with softened butter.

To make the crust, In the bowl of a food processor fitted with a metal blade, combine the flour and salt. Dice the butter into 1-inch pieces and place half in the food processor with the flour. Pulse for a few seconds. Add half of the brown sugar and pulse again, and then add the remaining butter and brown sugar and process for 20 to 30 seconds until a coarse meal is formed and the dough is just beginning to gather into a ball. If you don’t have a food processor, follow the same procedure but cut the butter into the flour, alternating with the brown sugar, using a pastry blender to form a coarse meal. The dough will be a little crumbly but will almost form a ball.

Spread the crust evenly in the bottom of the prepared pan. Pat it gently and evenly into the pan all the way into the corners. Be careful not to pack it down too much or the crust will become tough. Bake it for 5 minutes then prick the dough lightly with a fork all over, and return the pan to the oven and bake for about 10 more minutes. The crust should be slightly browned and soft to the touch. Remove from the oven and allow the crust to cool for several minutes. Do not turn off the oven.

To make the topping, In a medium saucepan, add the butterscotch chips, corn syrup, butter, water, and salt and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until the chips have melted completely and the topping has just begun to simmer, about 5 minutes.

Stir the cashew pieces into the hot topping and spread it evenly over the baked crust. Try to spread it out to the corners if possible, but the topping will spread into any bare spots during baking.

Bake again for 11 to 15 minutes, or until the surface is brown and very bubbly.

Allow the bars to cool completely on a wire rack before cutting them into 25 pieces 5 across by 5 down.

Let's hope so anyway, because a new study from the Wharton School of Business finds that girls' participation in sports makes them more successful in all kinds of endeavors. The author discovered that Title IX, the 1972 law ending gender discrimination in funding of high school and college sports, opened a lot more doors for women than the gates to arenas.

Thanks to Title IX, girls' participation in school sports shot up from one in 27 in 1972 to one in four in 1978. It is now one in three. But their rate of sports participation is not uniform in every state, for a variety of reasons. Wharton professor Betsey Stevenson studied the variations in girls' sports participation state-by-state, and after controlling for a number of other variables was able to correlate those results with their success later in life.

Stevenson found that a 10-point rise in the percentage of girls that participate in high school sports leads to a one percentage point rise in female college attendance and a one to two point rise in labor-force participation. She also found that the advent of Title IX is connected to 20% of the increase in female attainments in higher education in the years since, and 40% of the rise in employment.

“It’s not just that the people who are going to do well in life play sports, but that sports help people do better in life,” Stevenson told the New York Times. “While I only show this for girls, it’s reasonable to believe it’s true for boys as well.”

Stevenson doesn't explain why sports participation confers such benefits, but I have a feeling the lessons learned from sports -- a competitive spirit, the value of team work, the self-confidence conferred by physical abilities -- are critical to success in most fields of endeavor later in life. Anyone have any other theories?

So I get an email from a good former student, applying for a job and asking for a recommendation. “Sure”, I say, “Tell me what you think I should say.” I then get a draft letter back in which the student has described their work and fitness for the job in terms so superlative it would make an Assistant Brand Manager blush. So I write my letter, looking over the student’s self-assessment and toning it down so that it sounds like it’s coming from a person and not a PR department, and send it off. And then, as I get over my annoyance, I realize that, by overstating their abilities, the student has probably gotten the best letter out of me they could have gotten. Now, can you guess the gender of the student involved? Of course you can.

I imagine most of you can guess. It was a man of course, and Shirky goes on to say he's worried that most of the women he's taught, past or present, couldn't write such a letter.

This worry isn’t about psychology; I’m not concerned that women don’t engage in enough building of self-confidence or self-esteem. I’m worried about something much simpler: not enough women have what it takes to behave like arrogant self-aggrandizing jerks.

And that, says Shirky, is what it takes to get ahead. Is he right? Probably (By the way, over 400 commenters so far have responded to his post—he clearly hit a hot button).

We all know and hate self-aggrandizing jerks in the workplace (unless, of course, you are one of them), and one of the reasons we hate them is because they are usually the ones who get the raises, the promotions and the best assignments. In journalism, at least as I've observed, I have to admit that the majority of those types are men. Sure, we all know women that are just as boastful and cutthroat, but they are inevitably categorized as pushy, or worse. When was the last time you heard a man described as pushy? For some reason, the fear of those kinds of labels seems to keep a lot of women under a bushel.

There have been several studies backing up Shirky's observations. In April 2007 the American Association of University Women released a study of college graduates that found that, even after controlling for the number of hours worked and other factors, 10 years after college graduation women earned 12% less than their male peers. The researchers gave several reasons for the differential, including this one: “Women expect less and negotiate less pay for themselves than do men.”

This past July, a study was released in Britain titled Does It Pay To Be Nice? Personality and Earnings in the UK. Analyzing the earnings and personality ratings of some 5,600 men and women, the researcher found that women who adopt a masculine, alpha-female approach in the office earn up to 4% more than than their more passive female colleagues. Women deemed to be anxious or moody -- i.e. neurotic -- earned 3% less.

Incidentally, the study found that, although personality traits were just as important as intelligence in determining a woman's salary, they barely affected a man's earning potential.

From a Daily Mail story on the research:

Researcher Guido Heineck, from the Institute for Employment Research in Nuremberg, Germany, said it showed that personality traits such as 'agreeableness' were not beneficial in the workplace. "Our statistics show that being nice does not pay for women...This is probably, in part, because agreeable people are too passive in conflict situations and are poorer wage negotiators. Traditionally, women are more passive and likeable at work. This shows that to be successful in the workplace, women have to adapt to more alpha male-like behaviour.'

I wonder if the recession will change all this. Men have had it much harder during this recession , absorbing 78% of the layoffs, mainly because they are in higher-paying jobs. As a result, almost half the workforce is now female. A Pew Research Center released in January titled The New Economics of Marriage found that, in 2007, 22% of men were married to women who earned more than them, compared with just 4% in 1970. That percentage may be even higher after the past grueling year.

As women become increasingly responsible for the financial well-being of their families, will they also become more alpha-like, demanding higher salaries and more promotions? What do you think? Should we be raising our daughters to be jerks?

Women may hold half the nation's jobs, but they still have a long way to go to reach the top. Only 20% of top management positions in the U.S. are held by women, as I wrote about in Women in Leadership: The 20% Rule.

Like most people in America, my number one resolution for the new year, as it is every new year, is for our family to eat healthy. I know pretty much what we should eat and how I should be cooking, but with my workload and my childrens’ hectic schedule, doing it right and sticking with it requires some good planning and some skilled execution.

The toughest part of the process for me is grocery shopping. Even though I have been in the U.S. four months now, I am still finding it extremely difficult to navigate the supermarkets and find what I need without (1) wasting a lot of time (2) wasting a lot of money and (3) coming away feeling completely frustrated by the experience, with a bunch of stuff I don’t need at all.

The residents of the town I live in all swear by ShopRite, which like its website says, is apparently a true One Place to get everything, supposedly at a very good price. But the first time I entered one of their behemoth stores out here in Central New Jersey, I nearly burst into tears. After living in Europe, I had forgotten how oversized American supermarkets can be (particularly in the suburbs). I was completely intimidated by the gigantic space with its 500 kinds of cereal (is there really a need for so many varieties?); I had neither time nor inclination to compare prices on the cornucopia of tomatoes and potatoes, the imported cheeses versus the domestic ones, the millions of chicken breast brands. I would need a day to figure out which fruit snacks and granola bars are better for my children. The one thing I really wanted – rolled-out sheets of puff pastry to make a tart with cheese and Seabrook Farm creamed spinach, which like former Working Parents blogger Lauren Young, I swear by--would have taken me an eternity to find.

So, after grabbing a few random items at ShopRite, most of which were not on my list, and learning that Seabrook Farms was actually way over on the other side of the store, I beat a hasty retreat, the lump still present in my throat. Since then – and that was in September --I have not set foot in ShopRite. I go to the A&P, which I’d like to believe is fairly reasonably priced (though I’m not sure it is) and to Trader Joe's, another Lauren Young favorite that I simply adore for its variety of interesting foods and attractive prices. I buy most of my food items at TJs: Milk, for instance, costs less there than it does at the A&P, as does hummus (and it tastes a lot better, too). Yet I feel that I am still spending more than I should and that it would take me forever – a forever I don’t have time for – to get the right mix of price and health so as to find my spot somewhere in the space between Chef Boyardee and vegan brownies.

Before I ask you to share with me your strategies for shopping well and eating healthy, here are some of the steps I have taken to try and simplify the arduous process:

1) I make a menu for the week, based on what I have in my fridge and in my pantry, taking into account that two days during the week, I don’t have time to cook a fresh meal and we’ll be eaten frozen stuff. This menu helps me plan more precisely what fruits and vegetables to buy (more or less), and ensures that less produce goes bad.

2) I stick firmly by the menu and I tend to cook larger quantities and freeze them to eat the following week or the one after that.

3) If the produce runs out, I try and make good use of the canned foods I have (chick peas, kidney beans), though I don’t really love them, so they don’t sit in the pantry forever.

4)I take time making my weekly shopping list, really thinking it through thoroughly and doing my best not to forget anything.

Do tell me how you shop to eat healthy at the right price, bearing in mind that I, like my dear fellow blogger Cathy Arnst, do not believe that organic food – apart from chicken, which I do invest in -- is better food (I buy the regular bananas at Trader Joe’s for 19 cents a piece) and that we are from Europe, which means we will not give up certain things, like LU’s Bastogne cookies. One cookie has 120 calories and tons more sugar, but they are absolutely divine with afternoon tea.

I have all the concerns that any parent would have about Facebook -- cyberstalking, cyberbullying, her being "friended" by inappropriate people, particularly adults, and of course, the sheer distraction of the site (as we adults have already learned). But I'm also wary of banning something that she can access, or join, at any friend's house. Better she enter the Facebook world under my supervision than navigate the world of social media without my knowledge (I think).

And it does give me a window into her preteen world that I wouldn't have otherwise. Now that she's in a large middle school that she travels to by bus, as opposed to her small elementary school around the corner, I know very few of her new friends. But I can read all about them on Facebook, and determine which ones exhibit inappropriate behavior. I'm shocked, for instance, that some kids post curse words, and those posts have given me the opening to discuss language, behavior and the permanency of the Internet with my daughter. I have her password, so she knows she’s being monitored (I’m also on her friend list, forcing me to think twice about what I post!)

This issue has stirred up a lot of controversy in the parenting blogosphere. On the Canadian blog Sync, a post titled Preteens Using Facebook - Do You Break The Rules?, engendered a lot of comments, most of them in favor--which might be expected on a tech blog. Two examples:

Our kids need to be media literate, so the best thing to do is teach them the same way you taught them to cross the street. Holding your hand..paying attention to the signs…watching out for drivers who aren’t following the rules of the road (ie. spammers). My child’s entire class is on facebook, grade 7 group…I am one of her friends, so there are no secrets. Any evidence of anything inappropriate is just another teachable moment. Everyone knows that forbidden fruit is more tempting.

MY SON AND FRIENDS ARE ON IT – HE HAS HIS FATHER AND MYSELF ONE AUNT AND UNCLE AND COUSINS AS WELL AS HIS SCHOOL AND GROUP FRIENDS.BASICALLY EVERYONE IN HIS LIFE….. HMMM FOOD FOR THOUGHT HUH ?? I have a sister with a child just months older than mine – he is NOT allowed to do that facebook thing…. he is forbidden …. HA !! Guess what he is on my friend list. Is she crazy – what better way to keep an eye on your kids ?? Be a friend – you can keep an eye on their friends and make sure they are not going down a bad path. Have fun with them – you can even post I love yous…. just not too often…. the kids actually think it is funny when a mom does that!

Silicon Valley blogger John Furrier writes about a briefing for parents at a Palo Alto high school by a Facebook represenative, and concludes:

Some parents felt that the school needed to become more proactive in teaching our kids to be safe, and even went so far as to suggest a mandated course. Others indicated that the cyber businesses which interact with youth need to take more responsibility. My take: This is a new parenting frontier – an opportunity. We are two steps behind our kids, even if we think we know what they are doing online. It is a parent’s responsibility to discipline (Latin root = teach) our children how to protect themselves. Many kids balk at the idea of sharing their online communications with parents. Until my children are 18, I am the authority. We need to set expectations for our kids & walk them through this uncharted territory with guidelines. Parents: require your children to share passwords with you. Set time aside to see what your children are doing online. Invite them to browse through their accounts with you. Ask questions and really listen.

I've decided to follow Furrier’s advice. I want my daughter to be computer savvy, even social media savvy, because, well, it’s the world she lives in. Technology is changing so quickly, and the kids that become comfortable with it early on are likely the ones to use it to their advantage, socially and career-wise, in the years to come. As someone who has made her own career in the now dying world of print journalism, I realize how important it is to be open to new methods of communicating, of reading, of interacting. Is this just a rationalization? Probably. And not an easy one, since I've just given myself a whole new world of "friends" I have to monitor. It was tough enough when I was only managing my own Facebook page.

I'd love to hear from others on this subject. We parents of the 21st century are navigating an increasingly complex world--we must huddle together and give each other tips on how to survive.

From the Working Parents archives, Lourdes Lee Valeriano related how her daughter and friends came to realize the pitfalls of Facebook, in Taking a Break From Facebook, while Lauren Young asked Should We Be Friends With Our Kids On Facebook?
And if you'd like your kids to be exposed to more than games on the net, check out this recent Synch blog post listing good news sites online for kids.

In past Holiday seasons, I've "adopted" families, roads, animals etc. I never gave these programs a second thought. Until recently. I read a posting from an adoptive parent chastising the phrasing of these fundraisers. In a nutshell, it stated that this usage demeans an already misunderstood event, that event being adoption of children. The poster felt that her relationship was debased by the casual use of the term and went on to state that it is a sacred, legal and emotional event.

I couldn't disagree more. Originally I had opened my response with the term "adult adoptee" which I had never called myself before, and plan never to again. Why? I was adopted, true, but that certainly doesn't define me. It was a legal proceeding. I am an adult who happened to be adopted. Once the paperwork went through, it was done and I was part of my family.

The reason why I think I have such and attitude is this: My parents never made a big deal about adopting me. My sister wasn't adopted and it wasn't any more of a miracle that we found each other than if I was biological. We were a family. Period. End of discussion. I have had people ask if I wanted to do the whole "find my family" thing and I don't. Simply because I know where they are and have been my (almost) whole life.

Enough with the special treatment. In this day and age there are so many ways that children come into a family; once they are there, special treatment is not necessary. Is it a miracle and a blessing? Of course. But to the family who tried to get pregnant and then did miraculously, conception is no more or no less sacred than an adoption.

Since some children are carried by surrogates, are they now the only ones who can use that word? I doubt people in those cases are upset when they pass Surrogate Court? And if someone else uses that word are they lessening that child's relationship?

The English language is being usurped by special interests all the time. Please, let's be more reasonable and realize that we are adults and can read between the lines and understand intent.

In West Side Story, Maria sings that she feels "Pretty and Witty and Gay." Should we change that since it lessens gay and lesbian relationships because it is not true to the modern usage of the word?

It's a scary and lonely world when we have to self-censor ourselves all the time. People need to lighten up. We are adults and can read between the lines and understand intent. And here's a newsflash: Fund raising is emotionally manipulative and it works. Big deal, lighten up and take things with a grain of salt.

To the adoptive parents out there: I never was made to feel that my relationship with my parents was special because they adopted me. Our relationship was special because they were amazing parents. They made it clear that they were not saints for adopting me and I wasn't an angel for needing a home. Period.

That's just my opinion.

Happy Holidays. And if you want to adopt a highway or an owl, be comforted to know that at least one person who was adopted won't be offended or confuse her familial relationship with cleaning up a highway or saving a tree.

Former Working Parent blogger and adoptive parent Amy Dunkin (who is much missed) wrote about another language issue: describing children as "adopted" when it is irrelevant how they joined the family, in What Does Being Adopted Have To Do With Anything? And I wrote about adopting my daughter in China Girls.

Dr. "Scrooge" Grills carried out a review of literature and web-based material to assess Santa's potential negative impact on public health (he admits he couldn't find any peer-reviewed publications on this issue). The investigation revealed very high Santa awareness among children. In America, the only fictional character that kids are more aware of is Ronald McDonald, says the paper. (More America bashing there, I say.)

Grills also found that Santa's image is sometimes used to sell harmful products, and this happens on a global scale. “Like Coca-Cola, Santa has become a major export item to the developing world.”

Given Santa’s fame, he has considerable potential to influence individual and societal behaviour—and not necessarily for good. Santa is a late adopter of evidence-based behaviour change and continues to sport a rotund sedentary image. But this is not the only example where Santa’s behaviour and public image are at odds with contemporary accepted public health messages.

Santa certainly leaves himself open to such criticism. Some Christmas cards show Santa enjoying a pipe or cigar. Grills also doesn't like the tradition of leaving Santa Claus a brandy to wish him well on his travel; with a few billion houses to visit Santa would soon be over the limit. Also, Santa has real potential to spread infectious diseases. If he sneezes or coughs around 10 times a day, all the children who sit on his lap may end up with swine flu.

While Grills admits that more research is needed before calling for authorities to regulate Santa's activities, he does propose a new image for Santa – a slimmed down version on a treadmill. And maybe he could deliver toys by bicycle.

Followup: Dr. Grills got hit with an international barrage of criticism for his tongue-in-cheek "study," by news commentators who didn't get the humor (the British Medical Journal prints such irreverent pieces every Christmas). He defended himself to the the AFP:

"I hoped to spread a bit of Christmas cheer, but with a tinge of seriousness to provoke a bit of healthy Christmas dinner table conversation." Instead, Grills said his study, which was published in the British Medical Journal, had attracted a barrage of criticism from all over the world accusing him of being a humbug. "To clarify, I am not a Santa researcher. The article was written in my spare time for a bit of comic relief," said Grills, who declared himself an avid "Santa believer and lover".

Last December, I stirred up a minor firestorm of my own on this blog by asking Santa: Yes? No? Maybe? Let's hope this year's criticism goes down easier.

What's going on??? Well, one theory holds that women aren't necessarily afraid of risk, they are just better at managing it. From an article about the study in Institutional Investor:

Those who study the link between gender and investment prowess say risk management is key to the success of female money managers. "It’s not that women are averse to risk," notes organizational behavior expert Judi McLean Parks, an Olin Business School professor at Washington University in St. Louis. "It’s just that they are less likely to take the big one." Andrea Feingold, co-head of Boston-based Feingold O’Keeffe, which has $1.3 billion in distressed assets under management, concurs. "When dealing with things like distressed securities, liquidity risk is paramount," she says. "It’s a hidden risk, and when it surfaces it can be crushing. Rather than looking at it as a limiting factor, we look at it as integrated into the investment process." The firm’s distressed-loan fund was down just 6.5 percent in 2008.

Now granted, the study may be skewed by the very small sample size--only some 6% of hedge fund managers are women. But the disparity seems to hold true in other areas of finance. In a Huffington Post entry titled "Want Less Risk? Hire More Women!, economist Dr. Sasha Galbraith writes:

Women also, apparently, make better money managers according to another study by two professors at UC Davis [3]. That study found that overconfidence caused men to trade stocks 45 percent more often than women, thus lowering their net portfolio returns by 2.65 percent per year (compared with 1.72 percent lower returns for women traders). Moreover, several studies show a link between profit and gender. Companies with several high-ranking women at either officer or director levels tend to have higher earnings per share, return on equity and stock prices than competitors with few or no senior women. Look at some of the more stunning losses incurred at banks in recent years: Barings, Société Générale and UBS. All were caused by men betting with other people's money.

Interesting, don't you think? I wonder if there are parallels with other traditionally male endeavors? Do women make better long haul truck drivers, extreme sports competitors, soldiers, firemen? Certainly my 11-year-old daughter seems pretty fearless (except when it comes to a food she's never tried before), but I'm not so sure she's all that good at managing her risk-taking, at least not yet.

At any rate, this seems to put to rest a common misperception that women are weaker at math and science than men. What do you think? Should we encourage more of our daughters to grow up to be fund managers? Might just save the economy.

The hedge fund survey was sponsored by Women in Fund Management and a PDF can be found here.

I've been thinking a lot about this after seeing the movie The Blind Side, based on the book of the same name by Michael Lewis. It's about Baltimore Ravens defensive tackle Michael Oher and the rich white family in Nashville who took him in when he was a homeless teenager, became his legal guardian and set him on a path that eventually led to his becoming one of the highest paid rookie players in pro football. Critics have trashed the movie for being too sentimental, but I found the film remarkable because the facts, which it hues to very closely, are remarkable. As Oher says of his adoptive family in a USA Today interview:

They've got big hearts. To take somebody from my neighborhood into your house? Nobody does that. I don't think I'd even do that. I'd help you out, but with a daughter and with all the violence and drugs where I come from ... they didn't have to do that."

Just before seeing The Blind Side I finished reading Tracy Kidder's Strength in What Remains, another remarkable true story about a young African man, Deo. As a medical student in Burundi he narrowly escaped the genocide in his homeland and then in Rwanda, where he fled. After some 18 months on the run he managed to emigrate to New York, return to college and then medical school in America, and finally go back to Burundi to build a clinic. Along the way he was helped by a number of strangers who went to great lengths to come to his aid simply because it was the right thing to do. An elderly woman, whom he never saw again, risked her life by insisting that he blend in with her family to evade soldiers who were slaughtering members of his ethnic group at a border crossing. A baggage handler saw him wandering Kennedy Airport after landing in New York, unable to speak English and with no friends or family in this country, and helped him find a room and a job. A former nun he met when he delivered her groceries decided to do everything she could for him, eventually finding Nancy and Charlie Wolf, a couple with a huge loft in Soho who gave him a home and helped him enroll in college. From the New York Times review:

About the Wolfs, who are in some ways the heroes of this book, Mr. Kidder writes, “Clearly, they were a couple disposed to take chances.” His subtext is: More of us should be as willing.

I admit, I have never been that willing. I doubt many of us have. Yet all the people who helped these two individuals say the same thing--bringing a needy stranger into their lives helped them as much as the young men they aided.

It's hard for most of us to truly help an individual, especially the working parents among us, who are usually short of both time and money. But I wonder if there are ways to make that personal connection, even with limited means. A friend of mine who owns a small store, rather than donating to a large charity, sends money each month to a family in Mexico she learned about through one of her suppliers, to pay for the school fees and books for their two children. She likes the much more personal nature of this donation, and the fact that she knows exactly where the money is going. Perhaps this is a better way to give money? Or at least another way.

Kidder’s previous book, Mountains Beyond Mountains, is about Dr. Paul Farmer, a Harvard-trained physician who believes the wealthy nations of the world have a duty to help the poorest. His organization, Partners In Health, has set up clinics in the some of the world’s most destitute regions, and in the book Dr. Farmer regularly challenges Kidder, and the rest of us, to do more, give more, help more. I'd love to hear from those of you who have managed to do just that. Any suggestions of ways each of us can help more individuals, short of giving up a bedroom to a stranger, would be great. Meanwhile, ignore the reviews and go see The Blind Side. And take your kids. It's sure to spark the kind of family discussion we should all have more often

We're continuing a tradition at Working Parents started last year. Asking you to take a moment this weekend to discuss your desires for how you want to live the end of your life. If you are seeing this issue come up a lot in the blogosphere this weekend, that's because more than 100 bloggers are putting up the same post, in an effort to help start "the conversation"--one of the most important you'll ever have. If you want to reproduce this post on your blog (or anywhere) you can download a ready-made html version here.

Last Thanksgiving weekend, many of us bloggers participated in the first documented blog rally to promote Engage With Grace a movement aimed at having all of us understand and communicate our end-of-life wishes.

It was a great success, with over 100 bloggers in the healthcare space and beyond participating and spreading the word. Plus, it was timed to coincide with a weekend when most of us are with the very people with whom we should be having these tough conversations--our closest friends and family.

Our original mission to get more and more people talking about their end of life wishes hasn't changed. But it's been quite a year so we thought this holiday, we'd try something different.

A bit of levity.

At the heart of Engage With Grace are five questions designed to get the conversation started. We've included them at the end of this post. They're not easy questions, but they are important.

To help ease us into these tough questions, and in the spirit of the season, we thought we'd start with five parallel questions that ARE pretty easy to answer:

Silly? Maybe. But it underscores how having a template like just five questions in plain, simple language can deflate some of the complexity, formality and even misnomers that have sometimes surrounded the end-of-life discussion. Over the past year there's been a lot of discussion around end of life. And we've been fortunate to hear a lot of the more uplifting stories, as folks have used these five questions to initiate the conversation. One man shared how surprised he was to learn that his wife's preferences were not what he expected. Befitting this holiday, The One Slide now stands sentry on their fridge.

So with that, we've included the five questions from Engage With Grace below. Think about them, document them, share them. Wishing you and yours a holiday that's fulfilling in all the right ways.

(To learn more please go to www.engagewithgrace.org. This post was written by Alexandra Drane and the Engage With Grace team. )

If you or someone you know would like to prepare an advance directive, this site contains downloadable forms for every state and Medline Plus has a section containing lots of background information on directives here.

After six years at BusinessWeek and four years as a lead writer on this blog, I will be leaving BusinessWeek on Dec. 1.

Working Parents was started by my colleagues Amy Dunkin, Anne Tergesen and Toddi Gutner, based on the conversations we had about our families-usually on Monday mornings. Since the blog's launch in January 2006, we've been successful in our mission to "lead a broad discussion of the issues and day-to-day concerns of working parents, offering up interviews with work/life experts, examinations of relevant research, and personal accounts of bouncing between separate, sometimes conflicting worlds."

Some of my favorite posts How Mac 'N Cheese is Like a Cigarette and Honoring a Wonderful Life were written by my colleague Cathy Arnst. A post I wrote on The Motherhood Penalty went viral. And I constantly refer back to an interview with Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of Mommy Wars.

I feel especially appreciative that I was able to ride the BusinessWeek train for as long as I did. I'm also thankful to McGraw-Hill, which owned BusinessWeek for the past 80 years. The corporation has a commitment to work-life issues, incredible benefits, and an impressive women's network. A flexible work schedule kept me sane during the past five years. In addition, my BusinessWeek managers and peers were especially supportive during a rough period when my son had seven surgeries. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I'd also like to thank the other bloggers out there who keep the conversation alive. Special shout-outs to Cali Williams-Yost, Marci Alboher, The Sloan Work and Family Research Network, The Families & Work Institute, The Juggle, The Motherlode and countless other thought leaders out there.

Although my time at BusinessWeek has come to a close, I'll be blogging about parenting issues and work-life topics in the future on MommyTracked. You can also find me on LinkedIn and Twitter.

Have a happy, healthy Thanksgiving.

Tinley Park, with its top-rated schools, low crime, beautiful parks, relatively affordable houses, and easy access to jobs, is the winner of BusinessWeek's Best Places in America to Raise Kids. Working with OnBoard Informatics, we chose a winner for each state, but the Chicago suburb—only an hour south of last year's winner, Mount Prospect, Ill.—scored the highest. Named after the village's first railroad master in the 1800s, Tinley Park has two train stations, which carry commuters to Chicago in 45 minutes. Single-family homes for sale in Tinley Park start at $166,000 for a two-bedroom, two-bath house spread over 1,200 square feet to brand-new four-bedroom house for $630,000. All three of the main high schools serving Tinley Park are ranked in the top 100 in the state. And the students are closely tied to the community and often stay there after graduating.

I know nothing of Tinley Park, but New York's winner certainly gave me pause--Tonawanda, right next to Buffalo. My mother grew up in Tonawanda and my grandmother lived there until the day she died at age 96, which I guess makes it a good place to grow old. But when I think of all of New York State, it probably wouldn't be my first choice for raising kids. Then again, as a western New York native, I do like to see that part of the state get it place in the sun, in part because it doesn't get a lot of sun.

The list always stirs up a lot of controversy. Check it out and let us know where you would prefer to raise your kids.

Question: What is one of the most difficult things of being First Lady?

MRS. OBAMA: The most difficult things of being the First Lady? Wow. There are a lot of advantages. I mean, let me begin by saying that. I came into this position having absolutely no idea what to expect. But I can say that it has been an honor and a privilege to serve in this role, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. From the moment we started campaigning, the ability to travel around the country and to meet people -- whether they were voting for my husband or not -- who were open and engaged and thoughtful and caring and patriotic and loyal, you're just reminded that this is a really solid country, doing really good things.

So over the course of the campaign I got really pumped out about wanting to do my very best in whatever way for this country -- for kids, for military families, for mothers struggling. It's just, I get pumped up to try to make sure that I'm working my hardest and that I'm not taking anything for granted.

But with that, you know, comes the challenge of having a role that's very public and raising kids and making sure that my girls don't get lost in all of this -- because they're young and they didn't make this choice.

So the President and I are always balancing the role that we play in public with making sure that home is home and that we're present and accounted for, for our kids -- not as Michelle and Barack Obama, but as mom and dad. And that means that on a day like this, I leave in the morning, I come back before they go to bed. That means when they have an event it takes precedent over everything -- whether it's a school play or a soccer game -- they know if I can be there, one of us, we will be there, and we will be there not signing autographs or taking pictures, but being mom and dad. I do it by making sure that I know what my kids' homework is and that I'm asking them questions, and I know who their teachers are, and I know who their friends are, and they still feel like they have a life.

So striking that balance sometimes is tough. And because I care so much about my kids, I want to make sure that they come out of this as whole as possible. So you're always struggling with making sure that you're doing right by the country, but you're also doing right by your kids.

Shop Online. Only.
Avoid the holiday mayhem entirely. Schedule time with each child to cybershop – most stores will save the contents of your shopping cart for a few days, so you can revise according to your budget when all the kids are done. Kids will love the special time and the fact that they get to control the clicks, but you’ll have control over what ends up in the cart.

Pare Down Your Search
If you have some idea of what you want to buy but aren’t totally sure, Pronto is a great place to start. The shopping search engine is accurate and user-friendly, and with photos and price ranges for all the results. Start in their toys and games or baby sections, and keep refining till you have a few choices in your preferred criteria.

Subscribe, Don’t Buy
If your little ones tend to have fickle toy tastes, try giving a toy rental subscription to RentAToy or BabyPlays. They’re like Netflix for toys, and the same logic applies: They reduce the clutter that comes with an enormous toy collection, and keep things interesting with new toys when your tot tires of the current one.

Get Cash Back
A no-brainer for saving during a big shopping season: shop through a cash-back service like Bank of America’s Add It Up program, which gives Bank of America customers up to 20% cash back on purchases from participating retailers. The Bank of America program has over 300 retailers, like Land of Nod, so it might make sense to check the list before deciding where you’ll buy a given toy. You can even take advantage of double cash back offers from retailers like Apple Online Store and BestBuy.com.

Set Yourself Up For Deals
Know where you’ll do some of your shopping already? Sign up for that retailer’s e-mail newsletter list, and you’ll be the first to know about sales, spend-and-save offers, and free shipping – sometimes they’ll even throw in a coupon code. Toys R Us, Babies R Us and Target are particularly good for big brands like Fisher Price and Mattel; Giggle and FAO Schwarz have great selections of European and Eco toys.