A Mother's Day for All?

Posted by: Lauren Young on May 08, 2009

This entry was written by Jeannette Pai-Espinosa, the president of The National Crittenton Foundation, which supports the empowerment of vulnerable girls, young women and their families.

It’s almost Mother’s Day, when women across the country will receive flowers, candy, cards, or some other show of appreciation. Who can argue that moms deserve the recognition? Certainly not me, for as a mother of four “grown” children, there is no doubt parenting is the toughest job I’ve ever had. A labor of love, requiring patience and more than an ounce of humor, motherhood is a roller coaster ride that keeps on going well past society’s mythical age of “independence” at 18 or even 21.

But let’s be honest. In between the periods of bliss, pride and pure unconditional love there are THOSE moments that every parent knows. Even with the support and material resources to help lighten the load, there were hours, days and weeks when I, like you, wondered how and if it would all work out. But in the end for most of us, it somehow does. I was around for my children as my mother had been for me, and as her mother had been for her. The intergenerational legacy of motherhood in my family is one of encouragement, security and profound devotion.

But what if your mother wasn’t around to provide you with support and stability, or to nurture and protect you? What if your intergenerational legacy was one of abuse, neglect, addiction, and violence? What if you’d spent your life in and out of foster homes, juvenile detention facilities or on the street? What if after all the trauma others inflicted on you, your search for unconditional love led you to become a young single mother, something thousands of young women do every year, with no preparation and no idea what it takes to be a good parent.

But many young mothers facing obstacles stemming from from abuse, neglect, and other childhood trauma actually get needed services and support, and do become healthy, self-sufficient and stable. They are able to provide their child with a positive environment and the love they need to thrive. For these young women and their children, all of this adds up to breaking the destructive cycles into which they were born.

And while some do succeed, sadly, many young mothers and families never do get this kind of support. These young mothers and families are not a national priority-and it’s time to change this. Rather than pass judgment, we can and should be investing in these young mothers and their children’s future achievements.

How can we as individuals invest in young mothers and their children? First, we can give of our time, and become a mentor for a young mother or a foster parent for a young mother and her baby. Supporting organizations that provide child care services for free or for a sliding fee scale enables young mothers to finish their education or gain valuable work experience:

If you are a business owner, consider creating family-friendly internship and apprenticeship programs for young women who want and need training and experience to get ahead. And last, please consider a contribution of money and goods to organizations directly serving young mothers and their families.

Individual giving is important, but as a society, we should create policy priorities that mandate adequate funding for a continuum of family-focused services that support young mothers and their children.

This continuum should include residential treatment where appropriate, affordable housing that is both safe and stable, education and workforce training programs, and a myriad of other parenting, life skills and other supports.

Sounds expensive, I know. But the return on investment is high and will continue over the long term, if we can end the dependence upon systems of care-schools, the courts, the foster care system and other social services-by young mothers and their families. We can break destructive cycles that can ruin the lives of mothers, their children, and their children’s children.

So what will I do for my mother on this special day?

Yes, I’ll send her a card and I’ll call her too. But this Mother’s Day, after I tell her how much I love and respect her, I’ll talk about the contribution in her honor supporting a young vulnerable mother and her children. Because she deserves to be recognized and supported on her special day, just as much as my own mother does.

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