Home Invasion: Teens With Web Cams

I think I am yet to learn to cope with new technology and the new generation. Your scenario is going to hit me too quite soon :)

It was shocking the first time I realized that I was in the background of a video chat in underwear, and my daughter's friend who is a guy was screaming "OH my eyes, they're scarred" I quickly set up some boundaries such as 1) announce when you are about to video chat 2) I set up the computer where she is not isolated, and so that it does not face the screen at the kitchen, living room or my bathroom 3) limit the use of video chat to homework clarifications, group projects, or special events that distance keeps you from attending such as singing happy birthday or lighting the menorah on Hanukkah...when we just can't be there with a friend. I feel at liberty to add other boundaries when they are needed

I have found that on a random snow day announced prior to snow even falling, it can be fun to rejoice and dance like noone is watching to holiday music as her friends are doing the same sprinkled all around the city!! (of course fully clothed and with ample warning) Facebook video messages are a whole other story! Those exist forever, and can be passed along (shared). That is a more specific set of boundaries, with repercussions that are timeless.

Your blogs bring up so many issues and words of wisdom that resonate with those of us with temperamental teens, and often way ahead of the game. Thank you for this latest food for thought...

It is a strange mix of casual intimacy and detachment. Senja has a desktop but it faces away from her door, so I never know whether she has company onscreen or not. Sometimes friends will come over for the sole purpose of interacting via the web with other friends. My biggest problem with it is that it requires sitting in one place, crowding together in front of the screen, and they aren't really interacting with their environment.

Hi Minette and Alegra,

What can I say? Hope you both have a merry webcam-free Christmas and a more private but still exciting 2009!

Cheers,
Gianna, Daniel and Bianca

What's wrong with setting some limits? It's your home and your kid. Is that such a bad thing? Contrary to what many people think, teenagers don't NEED half the stuff that they have access to these days. And you are STILL the parent. I'm 36, and when I visit my parents home, I STILL have to abide by their rules. Why is a teenager seen any differently?

Lisa, I have no quarrel with you there. Definitely limits have to be set.

The question is, what sort of limits? My daughter's rapid and thorough adaption of this technology has caught me by surprise. Now I'm playing catch-up.

Should the limits be geographical? Use videochats only in the bedroom to provide the family with privacy or should they be used only in public areas of the home--as Carol seems to have done in an earlier comment-- to prevent inappropriate use of the technology? Time limits? Only within certain hours of the day? But videochats have become tools for teens to work on their homework together. Functional? Use only for schoolwork? But it's an important form of interaction, much as the phone was for our generation, I imagine.

And no matter how many rules parents set in response to this technology, I do believe their opportunity to know their kids' friends through home visits will be more limited.