Talking to Your Teen About the Financial Crisis

Posted by: Lourdes Lee Valeriano on September 30

This discussion, like that talk about sex, isn’t one a parent of a teen can avoid.

On the Monday the market plummeted after Lehman Brothers went into bankruptcy, my 14-year-old came home and asked: “Is my college savings fund safe?” Yesterday, as my daughter and I walked around our neighborhood, we saw the news on TV through a store window. So I asked: “Did you know what happened today?”

“The Dow fell 700,” she replied. “I saw it on my teacher’s iPhone.”

“You’re not going to hide that stuff from a teen-ager,” agrees Lawrence Balter, a professor of applied psychology at New York University. “Nor should you minimize it by dismissing their concerns out of hand. It’s a bad way to approach it.”

And the good way? A tricky combination of forthrightness and reassurances, it seems.
Answer questions directly and describe in concrete terms how the turmoil could affect the family, suggests Balter. Then come up with a game plan. “When something is vague, it usually leads to more anxiety,” he says.

But leaven the discussion with reassurances, even if they are platitudes like “We’re going to do all we can,” or “This is serious, but we’ll pull through it.” Platitudes work when you’ve already spelled out your game plan, says Balter.

Here are other suggestions from him and others:

1. Give a straight answer and provide perspective. If your kid asks about your portfolio (or in my case, her college savings), give her an honest answer and then a glass-half-full spin, such as that the savings isn’t money the family needs right away.

2. Talk strategy. If there’s belt-tightening that’s going to happen, discuss what the cutbacks will be: A staycation rather than a ski vacation, fewer nights at the cineplex and more Netflix, so long piano lessons. Let your kid make suggestions. As painful as this talk may be, it’ll allow her to deal with the situation more quickly and move on. (You can also click on posts from my fellow bloggers about how layoffs affect kids and how to tell your kid you’ve lost your job.)

3. Make the crisis a topic of conversation. Ask her what her friends are thinking, what her teachers are saying. But keep in mind that your main purpose is to get a sense of her emotions—her worries—rather than to educate her in finance or politics. Of course, if she truly is interested in the mechanics of the market, then you’ll have a unique opportunity to discuss the credit markets, real estate—and politics.

4. Express your own fears. You don’t need to move around the apartment as if you haven’t a care in the world. Let your child know she isn’t alone in her anxiety, but avoid emotional outbursts and catastrophic language. That’s scary to a kid, even if she’s a teen-ager.

5. Monitor television watching. (Or Internet surfing or radio listening.) We want our kids to be informed, not scared to death, says momlogic.com. This is good advice, not only for our teens but for us if we want to get a good night’s sleep.

Let me add two suggestions of my own: Encourage your teen to have a job, even if it’s just babysitting or walking your neighbor’s dog. Earning one’s own money is a great way to feel like you’re taking your fate in your hands.

And remind her to be thankful. This morning, as I woke up with a cloud over my head, I thought about the blessings that I have: my daughter, my dog, my friends, and my yoga practice. Then I said thank you to all the teachers I’ve had in the past eight years, starting from the acquaintance who told me about the yoga studio near my home. My current yoga teacher says that “gratitude is the attitude from which joy arises.” When I finished my thank you’s, I didn’t exactly feel joyful, but I had lost that dive-back-under-the-covers feeling. I think that practice can work the same magic on my daughter.

What about you? What strategies have you found helpful in talking to your kid about this mess?

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://blogs.businessweek.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/