COPING STRATEGIES FROM OVERWHELMED PARENTS

Posted by: Anne Tergesen on January 25

Like many working parents, I’m no stranger to feeling overwhelmed. Last Friday was one of those days. First, my four-year-old threatened to boycott his swim lesson. My mind was cluttered with all I had to do at work: Fact-check one article, plow ahead with another. I was beating myself up (yet again) for having lost out to a rival publication on a story. To top it off, I was hosting a “sports” party for my second son that afternoon—and I hadn’t yet had time to recover from my oldest son’s sleepover party the week before.

Then, I had a conversation with “S.” “S.” and I and two other women had banded together to throw a joint birthday party for all four of our sons—classmates with January birthdays. When not throwing birthday parties, “S.” spends her Fridays at a very prestigious and intense New York City law firm. I had a hunch that “S.” probably felt a good deal more overwhelmed than me. After watching her check her BlackBerry at regular intervals, I asked her if she could recommend any coping strategies. Alas, not really—although she did say she tries not to schedule activities for her kids on weekends to give her family some time together. When her husband works on weekends—as is often the case—“S.” says she doesn’t try to get her work done on the fly: She shells-out for a babysitter so she can work more efficiently and get back to her kids.

Hoping to drum up more tips, I sidled up to “D.”, an executive at a high-powered media company. “D.’s” husband, a newspaper editor, works the weekend shift. So, after putting in a long week, “D.” flies solo most weekends. Her latest innovation: She allows her sons unlimited screen time on weekends, provided they finish their homework and forego all screens during the week. “D.” says she used to take her boys on ambitious excursions. But then, she got burnt out. This way, she gets some downtime, they have fun, and no one argues over screen time.

My next victim was “E.,” who recently quit her job at a high-powered law firm to relax a bit, spend more time with her sons, explore career options, and oversee a home renovation. “E’s advice? To simply accept feeling overwhelmed. In “E’s” view, parents who work tend to like to be busy. Ever since quitting her job, “E” says she’s been busier than ever: She took a part-time teaching job at a local law school. She also works-out every day, volunteers more, and spends more time helping her widowed mother and organizing her home.

During the party, my sister, Kay Kay, called from San Francisco to wish my son a Happy Birthday. “Sorry to catch you in the middle of the party,” she said—the sounds of a wailing infant and a hyper-active toddler in the background. “I’ve got to get a job,” she added before hanging up. “Being home is just too overwhelming.”

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