Part-Time Sitter, Full-Time Pay

the article by toddi gutner really hits home with our family. her advice about treating part time sitters with the same respect and attitude that one treats a full time sitter makes a lot of sense. so glad to hear that toddi has found a baby sitting solution that works and has shared it with us. a million thanks toddi.

Good advice, much of which I currently adhere to, but I have another problem: how/where do you find high quality part-time nannies? Since my youngest entered pre-school and my awesome full-time nanny had twins and moved back to Ireland (after 8 years with us! Sob!) I have had 4 different part-time nannies, three of those just in the past year and a half! Pretty traumatizing for a family that had the same nanny for 8 years. My current part-time nanny is a college student and we pay her a competitive rate for our area. She's a gem (though she doesn't do all the chores you listed, Toddi) but she will eventually graduate and move on. I have found most of my nannies from college board job postings and "sittercity.com" but am wondering if coughing up the cash for a nanny service is a better way to go. Thoughts? (P.S.: Love the blog...stumbled upon it last week and have added it to my RSS feed).

I completely agree with Toddi Gutner about paying a reasonable salary. There is no place I would rather spend money than on the person who safely brings my son home from school and helps him wind down from his demanding days. Thanks for your smart and realistic advice, Toddi.

We have agonized over this issue for 2 years ever since my youngest started elementary school full day. Should we keep our fulltime babysitter who has been with us for 5+ years? We would paying her for the entire day even though she'd actually only be with the kids for 5 hours. But she needed a full time job and finding someone part time to come in at 7:00 am, drive each child to different schools at different times and then come back at 2:30 pm to pick everyone up was next to impossible. She drives the kids to after school activities, does their laundry and keeps the house picked up. So she is still on board. And we pay the premium because she is so reliable, has a great relationship with the kids, and if there is a snow day or a school holiday we can't take off, we are worry free. Another friend is also going the college student route for the afternoons. Her kids are older and can walk 2 blocks to middle school. She told me she is paying a little more for her part time babysitter to help create some early good will and loyalty. So far so good she says.

Thanks for the smart advice, Toddi. I'm looking forward to the next column.

Brava Toddi! My friends don't think twice about paying a cleaning lady $15/hour [minimum going rate in my neighborhood]...and happy kids are worth a lot more than shiny floors and folded laundry. You are right in thinking about paying your nanny not just for her time...but for her VALUE.

Great information. I hadn't quite thought about it in that way . When my kid goes off to school, I'll definitely take your approach - yet another instance of getting what you pay for!

Dear Toddi,

How we wish that all employers are like that. You are a great person! You are right that in order to keep your nanny you must treat her well by providing the necessary and right pay that they deserve. To be a nanny isn't easy. Taking of the children and doing multiple tasks with less pay are stressful which couldn't even compensate your hardship.It doesn't mean that if you are paying the nanny with the amount which is not even compensable would make her super woman or robot or machine that could tuckle all the work that the ordinary human being could do. They should remember that nannies are still human being, therefore by being paid right or with some benefits, as the employer may wish to give, will ease their tiredness. I grew up with two or three nannies but I never saw my mom maltreat them. She always said that in the future if we will have a nanny we need to make sure to remember that she is a human being. To keep them is to treat them fairly especially in terms of money.

Hope employers will follow your way of thinking.
Thank you and have a nice day.

I don't want to be hated here...but I'm very confused. Why did you people have kids to begin with? Sounds like your nannies aren't hired help...they're the Mommies! Some of the things Toddi Gutner described her nanny doing were outrageous to me. I mean, that's great that the nanny has such an awesome relationship with the kids...but where were the parents? Why do people have children and then not make the monetary and materialistic sacrifices to be with the children?

I'm having a hard time finding a part-time nanny because even the available ones have high pay standards because they promise to do so much of my job as a parent. I'd love for a person to take an interest in my child...but homework and birthday cupcakes are for me and my husband to worry about. I just want someone to make sure my child is safe, happy, and has a clean diaper on. Because my husband and I have made sacrifices to make sure we are home as much as possible.

We bought a house way under our budget allowance, I stayed home for a few years, and we both have flexible jobs. (I know some people cannot be lucky enough to have a flexible job, but if you sacrifice some of your material goods, you might be suprised how little money you can actually survive off of).

Sometimes people get wrapped up in all the over-the-top expenses of raising a child (i.e. living in the best school district or best neighborhood, sending them to the best dance school or music lessons, saving for the best college, buying the latest toys or gadgets, etc.) that they forget what their ultimate responsibility is as parents - being parents. It is my opinion...and I'm wondering what type of person would argue my opinion...that spending TIME with your children should be the number one priority of a parent.

So, that is why I am so confused. Why would parents pay someone to spend some of the most important parenting moments with their children? Unless the children were the result of a surprise pregnancy, I'm completely at a loss for the specific plan you people had when you chose to have children.

i agree with kate

I also agree with Kate, what's the point in having children?

Kate,
I used to think the same thing before I had kids. However, the truth is that it is crazy to think that women today have to be either mothers or professionals. I did not go to law school to stay home with my kids 24 hours a day. Did you ever think that maybe it's not about the money for some but perhaps a choice for the benefit of the child and the parent? I wish I had the patience my dear nanny has with my children. I do not think life is black and white. I can choose to have a caring nanny for my children whom they adore and still enjoy a professional career. Every free second my husband and I have we spend spend non-stop with our children which is true quality time---and our nanny caters to our childrens' needs. Our children are the most well adjusted, intelligent, bilingual, happy, sociable children and I owe that to our special arrangement. This is not 1955. There are all types of families and different arrangements. People need to stop being so narrow-minded and judgmental. It sounds like your ideas of a PROPER household are more about your needs as a mother than the child's. Every child needs an arrangement that will work best for him or her. THAT should be the number one priority.

ELP,

It is not a retrograde, backward notion to believe that the most important aspects of parenting should indeed be the responsibility of PARENTS. You mention that you didn't go to law school to spend "24 hours a day" with your children. Perhaps this is a stretch but I'm assuming your objective for attending law school was to BECOME A LAWYER. So, by all means. Be one. To suggest, however, that you can provide an OPTIMAL home for your children by juggling your career with their needs is
absurd. Sorry ladies, the feminist ideology of having it all--all at the same time, is totally flawed. Like it or not, motherhood requires us to put the children first. Always. If one must work outside the home in order to survive, so be it. I feel empathy for women who work in order to make ends meet. However, my sympathy turns to disdain when children spend most of their waking hours with a nanny, while mom seeks "fulfillment" in the form of a full-time career or when she works endless hours in order to have the big house, a European car, or high-end vacations. Motherhood is about sacrifice and about making choices. Mostly, it's about having the distinct privilege of witnessing the miracles of your kids' childhood--which are revealed during the most unplanned, routine occasions. Your planned "quality time" is defined by your schedule, not theirs. While I take you at your word that your children are well adjusted and happy, I also maintain that kids are very good at adapting to less-than-ideal circumstances when necessary. Your choice to maintain a demanding career and raise children is workable. Some say it's doable. However, many of us educated, savvy moms say your choice is not optimal. You can go back to your work when "Goodbye Moon" is a distant memory. But you can never recapture time missed with your precious children. You may be a top notch lawyer but as a mother, you can do better.

Everyone should just do what's best for their families. And, weather or not you work and have a nanny, or stay home, it's up to each family to decide on what is best.
Mom's shouldn't feel pressured from any sides when deciding. YOU as mom's know what is best.

Woah, as a nanny of two, I thoroughly disagree with Kate and Angela. I work for a mom who manages to squeeze a 60 hour work-week into 20-30 hours a week just so she can be with her kids more. Be careful how quickly you judge others. My boss simply can't walk away from her career and step back in 5 years down the road like a teacher or IT professional or Pediatrician might be able to. Not everyone has that luxury.

About some other points I noted:
- Kate's comment, "birthday cupcakes are for me and my husband to worry about." I'm glad you know what is important in your family, but you have to realize that what you said is specific for YOUR family. For some families it's birthday cupcakes, while for others it's teaching their toddler to throw, catch, and kick a ball. Whatever it is, if its deemed a Mommy-child (or Daddy-child) thing for that family, any good nanny will gladly stand aside. The part-time nannies you are talking to probably just assume they're being helpful and I doubt they are trying to usurp your parenting rights.

- Angela, a child who's mother stays at home is not necessarily better off than a child whose mother works outside the home and hires a nanny. There is more to parenting than a simple if-than statement of, "If mom works outside the home, the children suffer. If mom stays home the children thrive." Some stay at home moms are neglectful, selfish, and should never have become parents. Some full-time working mothers are amazingly dedicated and do everything they can to provide for and be fully present with their children. There is no black and white, easily boxed idea when it comes to defining "good" parenting. Don't judge so quickly. Given the choice, my boss would leave a board meeting in a heartbeat just to cuddle her kids and sing them silly songs. (And don't tell me, "she made her choice by deciding to go back to work," I answered that in my first paragraph.)

The kids I watch are deeply loved, cherished, thriving. Just because a woman hires a nanny, doesn't mean she's trying to maintain a ritzy, snobbish lifestyle. In all honesty, you have no idea what the circumstances of her life might be. Don't judge so quickly... and so harshly.

I'm a college student working as a part-time nanny. I've been with this family for almost 3 years. I take care of the kids monday-wednesday and they also have another nanny that takes care of them thursday&friday. I accidentally found out that the other nanny makes more than I do. She's only been with them for about 5 months now. We do the same thing like picking up the kids from school, making their lunches, doing laundry, making their beds, light work stuff. When I found out the other nanny made more than I do, I got upset but haven't said anything to the parents yet. I need advice on how I should bring up the subject that it's not fair that I get paid less. What should I do and say?

my God i can not believe my eyes what i've just read.... I've been a nanny for the past 8 years and i must say it's very sad to read that people judge without even thinking for a sec. i was with this family for about 4 years b4 they moved from new york city.
They wished for me to go along with them but i was not able to leave everything here..they both worked very hard and loved there jobs.. but they were hands on @ the job place as well as the home life with the two children. when i walked out the door they started to take over, every morning when id get there, the kids knew something new besides from what they learned from me..every morning the lil boy would sing a new song or tell me about space..what daddy and mommy read to him or watched with him.. the weekends was a whole another ball game.. such hands on parents. so it's wrong to make such statements that parents who work out the house are not giving there all to there young ones. please think next time before making harsh statements towards others. every one has diff-needs for their family.

Hi, Interesting perspectives. As a child of the 70's I was brought up by full-time working parents and was in child care from the age of two along with my little brother. Nothing was really sacrificed concerning my care but,I bonded with people other than my folks along the way.

Let's be real, it WAS about them having and maintaining a lifestyle/careers and all the materialistic desires that go along with it. Big house, two cars and frequent vacations along with maintaining the precious career. Their reason was honest, they wanted it all.
Now as a Dad with my own 8-month year old daughter I have a different perspective we want and planned on having a child and all that goes wih it like experiences with her. We got to a place where we said OK our life is about to change, including perhaps our precious careers and it's not going to be easy but, let's make the adjustment to experience our new child not the other way around.

I have a fast-paced career in Information Technology along with my wife and these positions demand many hours out of our week. We planned for 5 months after her birth to arrange for my wife to stay home e have a nanny for 4 hrs a day so she could conduct business while working from home but, at least my wife is with her we only had to make small sacrifices and to some it may seem huge like getting rid of one car which minimizes one car payment. We don't really have to but, it gives us some flexibility in case she needs to stop working completely and it's worth it to bond with our daughter. Our child is familiar with her surroundings and bonds with her mother on a daily basis. Mom doesn't have to miss out on anything. Don't you want to see your child crawl for the first time just in case it doesn't happen on a weekend? or do you work weekends too?? (66-hr work week) don't you want to experience some of the first words your child says it may not be on that Sunday off. I have to agree with Kate on this one, it wasn't harsh, she calls it as she sees it. Great question: Why DO YOU have kids??? All you nannies out there disputing this may have a reason, it's your bread & butter but, all you busy bodies out there it's all about you.

Thanks Kate for steppin up!

a Dad

A missing piece in this conversation is that it is quite impossible to understand the full impact of having kids without actually having them - this is the catch 22 - the best laid plans can become worthless in the face of reality.
There are both dysfunctional stay at home Mom as well as full time nanny situations. Every person and family is different - to do ones best while striving for wholeness on all levels is all anyone can ask.
Parenting is just a huge undertaking no matter how you slice it, as is evidence in this forum. Keep the faith!

I am a nanny myself and love what I do. I agree that you need to pay your nanny the right amount considering you are trusting them with your child. I am paid $15/hr with use of a nanny van. I do everything for the kids and do their laundry,dishes and clean rooms. Most of it I will do when they are napping so it doesn't interfere with our time together. Some parents enjoy the extra help around the house and the kids also enjoy having me come over. I think it's important to treat your nanny well because you don't want them being upset or even leaving your family for the sake of the kids. Every time I have to leave my job due to children starting school or moving they are hurt. We become so close and they see me as family. Please, Don't think about money, think about your kids. They will be safe and happy in the hands of a well paid nanny. The family I work for is taking me on vacation with them with all expenses paid for just to help with the kids. They also told me I will have a lot of time alone as well. This shows that the family trusts me with their kids.