Job Seekers, Take Heart -- and Control

Interviewing can be a grueling process, but attitude matters a lot. Start by seeing every rejection as an opportunity to learn

I get lots of mail from job seekers, and I'm always happy to help if I can. A typical white-collar job search has become so sophisticated, with so many twists and turns and overlapping issues, that it's nice to have more than one person (besides the job seeker) interpreting the data. For instance, someone just wrote me: "What did the hiring manager mean when he shook my hand and said, 'So glad to have met you'? Did he mean we won't be talking again?"

Another wrote: "When the recruiter said 'There are two other managers who want to meet you,' did she mean that I'm out of the running for the job I applied for originally?"

I love to answer these letters. There's only one category of job-seeker mail that distresses me: it's from people who precisely identify every slur, slight, misstep, and diss offered up by the employer. Abuses are widespread -- I've written plenty about that topic. Still, it's a big mistake to focus on the evil that recruiters and employers do. We can agree that the job-search arena isn't for sissies. But it would be unfortunate if job seekers used those bad experiences to develop a cynical mentality.

DON'T BE A VICTIM.

The worst thing a tired and frustrated job seeker can do is to conclude that employer reps and hiring managers are out to get them, that the job-search process is out of their control, and that they're the victims of some evil, monolithic power.

None of this is true. If employers didn't need people, they would never spend a dime on recruitment advertising or take the time to screen resumes, much less interview people. HR staffs have been cut to shreds thanks to countless budget-tightening exercises, and not all of the folks who remain are their organizations' best and brightest. That being said, it does you no good whatsoever to feel victimized. The more control you take over your job search, the better for you.

Here's an example: A person wrote to me to say that after one excellent interview (in his view), he never heard from the company again. Does this happen often? Yes, it does. The gentleman concluded that the company was irresponsible and that he, the neglected candidate, had nothing to learn from the experience. But heck, what good does that reaction do him?

LEARNING CURVE.

A far better course would be to choose responsibility for the outcome -- to ask, "What might I have done better in that interview?" Sure, it seemed like a lively and productive conversation in the moment. But managers have been known to review conversations over a few days' time and rethink their initial reactions. Might there be something to learn about the way you conducted yourself, or the steps you took to ensure the next bit of contact ("Shall I call you next week, then, to set up that meeting with Frank Driscoll?"). If you take the view that you're flawless and that every employer who doesn't hireyou is all fouled up, you deprive yourself of valuable opportunities for learning.

Let's say that, indeed, the hiring manager was one of those flaky types -- that you learned from a friend inside the company that the shiftless manager was fired soon after your frustrating experience. Your self-analysis would still be worthwhile. Choosing responsibility, choosing to improve what you can about your approach, is never wasted effort.

It's tempting, and comforting, to brush away bad experiences with the explanation: "These companies are just awful to job seekers." That may be true. But the applicants who will prevail are those who don't turn so quickly to the "poor me" view of things. Some of your friends are sure to say "It's not you." But while employers win no awards in my book for sensitive candidate relations, the "it's not you" outlook has never landed anyone a job.

NOBODY'S PERFECT

Part of it is you. You were there. You sat in that room and interviewed with that person and didn't get the job, and someone else sat there and interviewed and did get the job. The person who interviewed you may be callous or brusque or unsophisticated or shallow, but he or she is not (most likely) insane. They hired someone. Why wasn't it you? What might you learn, by analyzing each and every interaction, about your ability to build rapport, to share relevant anecdotes, and to ask probing questions? Are you really perfect at the job-search game? Is there any area in which you could improve?

If the answer to the last question is no, you've missed a chanced for personal growth. No Improvement Possible means No Learning Will Take Place. What if you kept improving, and learning, all through your business career and beyond? What if you left every frustrating or unsuccessful job interview resolved to improve your proficiency in one key area? What if you resolved that every diss and slur would translate into valuable learning for you? That would give you more solace than the chorus of "It's not you" that your loyal friends may offer.

If you resolved today to take total responsibility for your job search, and make every step in it a chance for personal improvement, you would leave each tough interaction thinking, "Hey, Mr. or Ms. Unresponsive Hiring Manager, you can't touch me. All you can do is teach me -- or rather, help me teach myself."