By Liz Ryan

A friend writes to me: "Dear Liz, my boss loves to second-guess my decisions. When I'm ready to choose a supplier for a project after much consideration, he has a favorite vendor who gets the work. When I'm about to move forward on a major decision, he jumps in and changes direction.

"It's too much. I feel like I can't make a move without being stomped on and undercut by the tyrant. What do you suggest?"

HEART OF THE MATTER.  I'm reading my friend's message, and I'm urging every part of my being to show some empathy. I try to prime the pump: You poor thing. That sounds miserable. How can you stand it? Your boss is awful. But it isn't working.

Too many of my brain cells recall this situation from the other side of the desk -- from the perspective of the underinformed boss who is brought up to speed 10 minutes before some big trigger is about to be pulled. But I don't want to be cruel to the writer. So I'll address the issue in this column, where I can explain my lack of sympathy in some (hopefully, helpful) detail.

First off, life is a learning process, and we should learn from our mistakes and unpleasant experiences. If your boss jumps in to micro-manage your process one or two times, don't you change your routine to prevent a recurrence?

FILL IN THE BLANKS.  You can do that pretty easily by regularly walking through your project plans with your manager -- at least once a month. You'll say: "Here's what I'm doing, this is my plan, and its timeline. Here's a big step coming up, when we assign this contract to a supplier, next Thursday. Here's why I like Vendor A. Are there any other vendors you'd like to consider? What part do you want to play? Am I okay to proceed with the plan and schedule I've just laid out?"

When it comes to supplier selection in particular, you have to give your boss some slack. After all, most bosses are bosses by virtue of the fact that they know something about their end of the business and have been around for awhile.

Of course they have favorite suppliers. So do you, and you aren't even the boss. Wouldn't you expect a person who has spent some serious time in an industry or function to know who the players are? Unless you're suggesting that your boss's favorite vendor is a charlatan and that there are nefarious reasons for your boss's loyalty to him, how can you complain?

BASIC QUESTIONS.  Now onto the boss's habit of disrupting your plans. We've all had the Seagull Boss (swoop-and-poop) experience at least once, and it's indisputably frustrating. But once it occurs, you realize what you need to do to prevent it from happening again: Overcommunicate. Bring your boss up to speed way before a critical go-date. Get a strong vote of confidence for each major step in your plan.

Is the mean boss really changing direction, or were you unclear on his direction to begin with? Did you clearly understand his goals before planning your project? Your tyrannical boss may be less evil than you think. He may be less a tyrant than an ordinary manager in search of clear progress reports from his team members.

Now, let's acknowledge that there are capricious and forgetful and just plain random managers. You may have all the approval, all the support in the world for your ideas -- permission may even be in writing -- and your boss can still decide that your plan is all wrong. That happens. That's when you get to use your quizzical problem-solving tone.

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