Cursed by a "Perfect" Colleague

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You have got her number, and she's frantically searching for a response more sophisticated than, "That's because you're an idiot," which is what she is saying in her head.

She will most likely express surprise and dismay, and challenge your assertion. So be specific. Remind her what happened with the new-product launch. Mention that little dust-up over the National Accounts Summit. And so on.

"You know," you'll say, "it almost seems as though whenever there's a breakdown, it can never be you who's in the wrong. I'm sure you don't truly feel like everyone on our team can make mistakes, except you -- but it sometimes appears that way, and I knew that you would want to know about that impression. Obviously, we all mistakes, and we learn from them. I knew you would share my concern that it's difficult to develop a team environment when people believe that you're above criticism."

DELUDED, INCOMPETENT -- AND UNTOUCHABLE.

Now her brain is saying "But I AM above criticism," but she will more likely say, "That sounds like your problem. I have never heard anyone else say that." That's O.K. You don't have to go further and tell her that everyone feels the same way -- let the other folks speak for themselves, if they have the cojones. You have made your point. I betcha Miss Perfect backs down, just a little, in her dealings with you.

Now what about the absolutely perfect boss? That's a bigger problem. You can grit your teeth and deal with him or her over time, and hope that the painful experience of working for this person will serve you down the road. Or you can quit.

I haven't seen a situation where a subordinate was able to successfully counsel an error-free boss, because the subordinate obviously doesn't have the political juice that would impel the boss to change. Sometimes senior management notices things like this. Sometimes it doesn't.

MOMENTS TO CHERISH.

It seems to me that the ability to sit in front of a room of adults and make your lips say "I have never made a mistake" is nearly a form of mental illness. It's beyond self-love -- it's a delusional state. And a sad one. I hope that I always learn from, treasure, laugh about, regret, wince over, and finally accept the 8 million mistakes I've made (including six or seven doozies just today).

I imagine that most other working people view mistake-making in a similar light. Like we tell our kids, it hurts now, but it's all a part of growing up. So if you find yourself struggling with a colleague or manager whose absolute perfection makes her difficult to deal with, take heart: This person deserves your sympathy most of all.

Liz Ryan is an expert on the new-millennium workplace and a former Fortune 500 HR executive. She can be reached at liz@asklizryan.com.