Beware of Battling Bios

A workplace fight to prove who has the best credentials makes losers of anyone who takes part. Here's how to steer clear

by Liz Ryan

The business workplace, no less than the most remote Stone Age society, presents incredible opportunities for the junior anthropologist. A budding Margaret Mead can, without much effort, fill notebooks with details on the strange habits, rituals, and norms in the typical business ecosystem.

There's the jargon:

• "Let's put the pedal to the metal."

• "We're gonna storm the beaches."

• "Kick *ss and take names."

• "We'll focus on blocking and tackling."

• "Let's pull the trigger on this deal."

• "This is where the rubber meets the road."

And so on.

QUICK ERUPTION.

For the corporate newcomer, it isn't always clear whether these conversations are related to a business enterprise, a sports arena, a military operation, the shooting range, or an auto race. It, doesn't really matter, because the same air of frenzied competition holds sway in all of them. Then there's the assumed air of urgency, the one that causes air travelers to smirk when they overhear an oh-so-intense seatmate screaming into his or her cell phone, "Don't you understand? This matter is critical!"

The anthropologist eventually discovers that "critical" in the business world means "my boss is waiting for something," whereas "critical" in real life means that your house is on fire. Among the anthropologically intriguing behaviors in the average workplace, there's one that stands out --- the so-awful-it's-impossible-to-look-away behavior called the Battle of the Bios. No great-ape display in the wild can match the chest-beating that goes on when this starts.

You can't always see a bio battle brewing. One moment, the conversation is calm and convivial. Then, someone gets challenged, someone gets mad, and suddenly the hooves are pawing and the dust is swirling.

"What do you mean, it's a weak proposal?" says one combatant. "I happen to have 20 years of experience in this area." "Twenty years? I have 25 years of experience, with excellent firms!" says the other.

Oh my. Here it comes.

VERBAL VOLLEYBALL.

A battle of the bios is transfixing because it's so primal. It's immediately evident that the battle is not about finding the right tagline, or the best combination of colors for the logo. It's a pure display of ego and manly (or womanly -- and believe me, those fights get ugly) pride, and alarming for the speed with which Bio Battlers can descend from civil conversation to nearly lethal blows.

"Twenty years experience? Or maybe one year's experience, repeated 20 times?" comes the counter-offensive.

"Should we even talk about the places where you worked? Are any of them still in business?" Ouch! Here comes the defender's block, and the wounded party staggers. Welcome to Painville -- population: you.

"I'm trying to remember where you got that cut-rate MBA, Johnson -- couldn't hack the GMAT, or what?" and on it goes.

Bio-battling is entertaining to watch, and as a learning experience, there's none better. It's something else, too, and I'm searching for the word....oh, yes: it's pathetic.

PROVES NOTHING.

It's sad and humiliating to have to stoop to brandishing your credentials in what's supposed to be an intellectual discussion about business ideas. It's truly lame, and suitable only for the same kinds of businesspeople who say, "Well, you know, it's impossible to get in to see this guy, but I went to school with a guy who knows a guy, and so we've got an appointment."

Once a bio battle starts, it becomes a kind of vortex. It's hard not to jump right in. After all, when someone challenges your credentials, don't you have to fight back?

No way. Your ability to steer clear of the brawl is a mark of your professionalism and maturity. It's helpful to keep in mind a key point: your background, as it turns out, has absolutely no relationship to the question of whether your position today is right or wrong. None whatsoever. The best idea may come from the youngest member of the team (and very often does).

HOW TO DETACH.

Stooping to touting your credentials is a sure sign that you've already lost the argument. "