The Fifth Life Principle: Be Loving

Treating ourselves with respect is one of the most important ways we can express love and compassion in our lives

by Bruce Weinstein, PhD

Thus far in our exploration of the five fundamental ethical or "life" principles, we have looked at Do No Harm, Make Things Better, and Respect Others, and one aspect of the fourth principle, Be Fair. We now turn to the fifth and final principle: Be Loving.

The fifth and final Life Principle is rarely found in traditional books on ethics. In those, you will see plenty of discussion of rights and responsibilities, of justice and fairness, of duties to keep one's promises and avoiding harming others. Indeed, the Life Principles of Do No Harm, Make Things Better, Respect Others, and Be Fair are the foundation of any and all moral systems, and they are found in every religion and culture that has ever existed or is likely to exist. We cannot imagine a society that did not place these notions front and center, whether codified in the law or taught by parents and in Sunday school. But if the moral life were made up only of allegiance to these principles, it would be a pretty barren one indeed.

Where Life Principles 1-4 are obligatory, Life Principle No. 5, Be Loving, might best be considered "above and beyond the call of duty." To be loving to one's neighbor is an ideal to which we should aspire, yet if we fail to act lovingly to those with whom we come into contact, we can hardly be considered unethical (unless your job is to love people, which raises ethical and legal questions of its own, at least outside of the state of Nevada).

Can we be faulted by failing to prevent harm to others when doing so would take little effort? Yes; Life Principle No. 1 requires this of us. If a friend of yours has just lost her mother, Life Principle No. 2 asks that you console your friend, even if it is uncomfortable for you to do so. If you pass along a rumor you have heard about a neighbor, you have violated Life Principle No. 3. If you fire an employee for not doing her job well but give another employee a pass for the same behavior just because the second employee happens to be the daughter of a close friend, you are compromising Life Principle No. 4.

But it seems a stretch to suggest that we err by not loving the annoying co-worker, the crazy driver who cuts us off on the highway, or the lazy clerk at the grocery store. That is, we might choose to take the high road here, but can we rightly say that it is our ethical obligation to do so? Whether it is our duty to be loving to all with whom we come into contact, or whether love is above and beyond the call of duty, I will hereby make a case for a fifth Life Principle that asks us to treat others with kindness, care, and compassion—that is, with love.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

Popular songs largely concern love, but that's love of a very specific kind: that between romantic partners. We see a similar obsession in popular movies, magazines, books, and television shows. What's more, American popular culture has become one of our most widely exported commodities. Travel anywhere in the world and you will hear many of the same songs, see many of the same movies and TV programs, and read many of the same romance novels that you find at home. It is difficult to grow up anywhere in the world and not believe that "love" means "a burning desire to be linked forever with another person."

It was not always this way.