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I love my cat, but I'm the first to admit he has flaws. He plays in the litter box, he tears holes in my feather pillows, and his breath is something the Army ought to explore for its chemical-weapons program. Still, if I had my pick of any cat in the world, I'd choose him again.
But would I go as far as creating him again? It may not be a theoretical question much longer. Last month, a team of well-respected genetic researchers in Texas decided to bring the science of cloning animals out of the barnyard and into the backyard. They created a company called Genetic Savings & Clone with the goal of making "gene banking and cloning technology available to the average pet owner."
The business began with what GSC describes as "the love of one very rich man for his mutt." Faced with the inevitable aging and decline of their beloved dog, Missy, and hearing of the breakthroughs in sheep and cattle cloning, Missy's owners approached the researchers with a generously backed request ($2.3 million) to perform the same kind of miracle on Missy. Thus the "Missyplicity" project was borne. Missy has her own Web site, which provides page (...after page, after page) of various Missy-related anecdotes and photos. One, I regret to say, is aptly titled, "Humpty-Doggy," and shows...well, you can check it out for yourself.
PET SOUNDS.
The site also provides some real page-turning insights into Missy's background, including the wealthy owner's story of her adoption from the dog pound at four months: "I offered a howl to her, and she raised her nose and howled at the roof. I barked at her, and she barked right back.... I whined, she whined."
Granted, this is more sophisticated conversation than I've had from the last three guys I've dated. But let's be honest, it isn't exactly Washington Week in Review. Still, the researchers figured they were onto a good thing. If a few grunts and licks can spring a couple million dollars, a whole untapped market of well-to-do pet owners just might be willing to pay a whole lot of money for the same old dog.
So I checked it out. The first steps in the cloning process are relatively straightforward. Your vet takes a couple of tissue samples and ships them to GSC using a specially designed container called a BioBox. The GSC scientists culture your pet's DNA and then "cryopreserve" it in liquid nitrogen. Easy, right? Don't be fooled! GSC warns any Marcus Welby wannabes against "trying this yourself using standard pathology tools and techniques." It simply won't work, they say.
ON ICE.
At this point, the GSC process is all "savings" and no "clone." The company makes it quite clear that the only product it's selling now is "gene-banking." That's because the researchers are still trying to figure out the final trick to turning the contents of a petri dish into a puppy.
But even with no live animals to show yet, GSC claims on its Web site that the research team has learned a lot, including, "the best way to store DNA for use in cloning." Maybe I've missed something here, but this breakthrough doesn't exactly knock my socks off. I mean, I've got mold preservation down cold, but I couldn't begin to tell you how to make penicillin.
Given that quite a bit of time could pass before you actually get a live puppy or kitty, starting Mar. 31, GSC promises to let you "check in" on your animal's preserved genes via a Web-cam -- anytime, day or night. What you'll see is a live video picture -- updated once a minute -- of the control panel of the lab's cryotank. Pay attention here. You're getting live video of a tank of cells. Cells aren't cute. They're not fuzzy. They don't sit up, roll over, beg nice, or play dead. Watching mildew grow on your shower curtain will seem like Wild Kingdom compared with this.
GENE RULES.
Cloning a pet is not cheap. The initial fees of $1,000 to $2,000 cover only the preservation of the genes and banking fees for the first year. The service is cheaper if your pet is healthy ($1,000 standard shipping, $1,500 overnight), but GSC knows that the procrastinating pet owner may not get around to that tissue sample until Muffy has already gone to meet her maker. Not to worry. For $2,000, GSC can harvest viable genes from a deceased pet within seven days of earthly departure. But certain conditions apply:
Genes cannot be harvested from a pet that has been embalmed.
Genes cannot be harvested if the only remains you have are "scraps of fur or whiskers."
Genes cannot be harvested from a pet that has been frozen.
Genes can only be harvested from a properly preserved pet. Meaning, freezing is out, but the body must be kept cool. A simple feat, according to GSC, that can be accomplished perfectly with a standard kitchen refrigerator.
"Mommy, Sparky's lying in the butter dish again."
"Darn it! Well... just put him back in the cheese drawer where he belongs."
CLONING WARS?
The big bucks will kick in when GSC figures out how to transform the test-tube tissues into a living puppy. Initial prices for carbon-copy dogs will be a cool $250,000, and the project director admits that it will be at least another couple of years before GSC -- or someone else -- offers commercial dog cloning at a more affordable price. Maybe they're projecting that a little open competition will drive down the prices. You know, sort of like airfare wars.
Even people with a "perfect pet" would probably want to change a few things if they had a second go 'round. Maybe you'd set your pup's internal clock for sometime after 6 a.m. or instill him with a sense of boundaries -- you know, his toys, your furniture.
But for now, you're out of luck. GSC intends to abide by a strict set of ethical guidelines -- meaning that it won't engage in transgenic, or "gene-changing," work without thorough review by the GSC advisory board, which includes leading experts in the fields of ethics and life sciences. While I can certainly appreciate the benefit this protection might have in preserving a diverse animal population, after one blast of my cat's breath, these experts wouldn't think twice about a little cutting and pasting.
MEMORIES.
GSC is the first to admit that a cloned pet won't be an identical replacement. No matter how close a clone might come, it would never take the place of the pet you've lost. In fact, nothing will...and maybe it shouldn't.
Maybe instead of trying to preserve the genetic composition of our beloved pets, we should work harder to preserve their memories. Take your dog to the beach. Let her sleep on the bed. Throw her a birthday party, and take lots of pictures. And as a tribute when she's gone, think about giving one of her 8 million to 12 million pals living in shelters a chance to experience the same kind of loving family that she had. After all, that's where Missy's owners found her.
By Leila Kahn in New York EDITED BY PAUL JUDGE
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