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With the U.S. Supreme court set to hearing new arguments on Dec. 11 over who won the November Presidential election, it has become fashionable for stunned analysts to mutter that the country is now entering "unchartered waters."
Well, unchartered in the U.S., maybe, but you have to take the long view -- the really long view -- before you start talking about unprecedented situations. Is everyone too addled with Christmas shopping to remember the 14th century, for gosh sakes? Pope Clement VI? The Avignon Papacy?
Back in 1342, the Catholic Church couldn't get its political act together, either. With Rome gridlocked, a series of illegitimate figurehead Popes took up residence in France where they reigned for decades, commencing with the aforementioned Clement and ending with Gregory XI. It wasn't a swell time on the old continent, what with a series of internecine wars and the ravages of the Black Death. But hey, after awhile the stunned denizens of the Church got used to the notion of a bastardized Papacy. In Spain, the pretender Pope was commonly referred to as Papa Luna -- the moon Pope.
ELECTORAL HORSETRADING. Eventually, the Church in Rome regrouped and a Roman favorite was installed by the cardinals -- one who was initially afraid to move out of his Avignon monastery, figuring the foie gras was sweeter in France. But that guy's election was declared illegitmate, and another Pope was quickly appointed. The infighting got so nasty that it ultimately led to the split of the Catholic Church in Europe.
Now, you don't have to be a believer to see the way out of our particular problem in the latter day. Rather than stagger into a Constitutional crisis in which the House of Representatives and Senate fight over seating of electors and engage in electoral-vote horsetrading, why not just have an Avignon-style co-Presidency?
George W. Bush could reign in Crawford, Tex., site of his ranch, and would be in charge of the Defense, Education, Agriculture, Veterans' Affairs, Interior, and Commerce Depts. Al Gore could reign in Washington, and oversee Treasury, Health & Human Services, Labor, Environmental Protection, and State. We'd just leave the Justice Dept. with Janet Reno, since no one has the courage to arm-wrestle the Attorney General for the job.
RETURN TO SENSES. I think this is a fair Avignon-style solution. And as a bonus, neither Bush nor Gore would have to go all the way and change their names to Clement VI or Urban V. Representative Tom DeLay and other members of his black-suited, scowling conservative posse could play the role of the nasty Knights Templar. After a term of this kind of wacky power-sharing, I'm sure the nation would come to its senses and, in 2004, elect John McCain or Colin Powell President on a Third Force reconciliation ticket.
As for the harbingers of the bubonic plague, that's not a tough one at all. Scurrying journalists and pestilential TV screamers could easily slip into that role after the hash we've made covering Election 2000.
When he's not dreaming up outrageous scenarios for settling elections, Walczak is Washington bureau chief for Business Week Edited by Douglas Harbrecht
Copyright 2000, by The McGraw-Hill Companies Inc. All rights reserved.
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