Where Do You Draw the Line with Workplace Humor?

I am so amazed how everyone wants to be the boss, but no one wants to have any responsibility. I have been in a leadership and management position over 30 years. I find that over the past 15 years, the tendency is for employees to try to dictate to others and the boss, what is acceptable and unacceptable. I usually do not hear the supervisor encourage the employee to accept responsibility, so there is proabably a cause and effect relationship here.

In this example, the 51 year old who took offense, had a responsiblity to be assertive with her co-workers to let them know that she had concerns about their comments. This would shift the responsiblity to the co-workers to be sensitive to their co-workers concerns and respond appropriately (assure her that there was no disrespect intended and reassure her that it was not directed toward her). If the co-workers failed to respond appropriately, the the supervisor should be brought in to help them resolve any differrences.

Supervisors tend to take on more problems that should be resolved at the lowest level. By getting involved, they set themselves up for problems with subordinates who feel they were mistreated or misunderstood. They open the organization up to liability if they inadvertantly take sides without all the facts.

When an employee first brings a problem like this to me, I ask them what they did to resolve it. Did they talk to the other persons. If they don't take responsiblity for their perceptions, thoughts and feelings and take action, then I certainly do not own it. Of course, as a supervisor I would be responsible for the overall functioning of the team and if the employees were passive or worse passive/aggressive, then I would be responsible to call the parties together to work out the problems.

I'll bet that the employees get evaluated on how they solve problems and work as a team member. When these problems keep coming to me without any action on their part, this shows me that they have some work to do in this performance area.

It is a shame we can't have any good natured joking in the workplace without threat of offending someone. If the 50 year old wasn't offended at the jokes made at him, there should be no issue. But I do have to agree with Chris that perhaps the staff meeting wasn't the place to have a party, or at least be the focus of the meeting.

Sometimes the joking can get old at which point it can me nearly offensive "If I hear another 'over the hill' joke, I'll croak..." But, life is too short to try to kill the laughter and enjoyment of it.

Mary Lynn is right on...Michael J. Smith shows a lot of compassion...and Matthew's standard is fair and balanced.

It is all about fit and culture. If you do not fit the culture of the setting, then you need to move on and not attempt to change the culture of the group as they have rights as well

All interaction between employees should be completely abolished, banned, and severely punishable. A good old fashioned hanging in the parking lot may be the best form of discipline. In an election year, the political rhetoric has become exhausting enough. And both D's & R's, Libs and Cons truly believe their side is 100% accurate. When will people begin to understand life is not about them and never will be?
My mother had a "20+ - 40+ - 60+ philosophy", which I'll paraphrase. People in their 20's are overly concerned with what others think about them. Once in their 40's they begin not giving a hoot what people think about them. At 60 and beyond, they'll come to the realization that people weren't giving them much, if any, thought! They're all too busy thinking about themselves.
If we all try to laugh and love a little more - at home, work and socially, our entire world may begin to seem less complicated.

I think the issue is buried in these two sentences:

"A manager told the group how the week before there'd been an informal birthday party for one of his employees who was turning 50. The birthday boy's colleagues brought a cake into the staff meeting and congratulated the fellow on his big day."

Maybe this could have been avoided by not taking a staff meeting "hostage" with an unannounced party. My suggestion for this situation is to not turn staff meetings into a birthday or any other non-work type party. If this occurred in the lunchroom, the 51 year old wouldn't have been compelled to participate or even pay attention to what was being said.

This manager now knows about this employee's feelings about age, so he should be extra careful to speak up in the presence of comments like this going forward and encourage the 51 year old to speak up. If she can't stand up for herself in a staff meeting when offended, how is she going to testify against the company when her actions don't match her claims? Conversely, if she does stand up and the behavior continues, it can only strengthen her position. I would think someone who can challenge her manager should be able to stand up for herself (with the manager's backing if necessary) with her peers...

Get a grip! This is not blatently evil. It's office fun and office fun helps make a fun office. And a fun office is a productive office. If you are offended,tell the "offender" quietly. Don't spoil it for the rest of us.

I currently work with a jokester who runs around yelling "just kidding" "sorry hon" or "you're too sensitive" after he does a "hit and run" insult geared to age, gender, sex, etc, claiming he was just joking. He's constantly leaving "victims" in his wake. Cheap shots are cheap shots, folks. They're not funny.

The very fact that we are all debating this clearly explains why these laws were put into place to begin with...to draw a line in the sand against insensitive jokesters using the workplace as their forum for taking out their own insecurities on others!

As to Random's comments, his company is obviously going to have to suffer a related loss before he understands that these are "federal" laws that apply to all companies...his company doesn't get to opt out on whether they have to observe it...

If everyone started taking such things personally, our work-places would be just that.....places to work and no fun!! All jokes offend some or the other person, whether be of age, race or anything. What might seem resonable to one is not good for the other. The spirit of teams that have fun with jokes is what matters, not what each individual perceives it as. Its about gelling well with the team and not grieving about your personal worries at work. I am sure the 51-yr old female employee would have cracked jokes and had her share of laughs about the new generations at work. When they didn't get offended, she has no right to be!!!

I realy think that Ally hit the nail on the head. That 51 year old worker needs to grow up before she grows old. By the way, I'm 60, I'm told I look like 40, I feel like I'm 30. I don't complain about my age or anyone elses. The saying goes;"Don't take life too seriously, It's not permanent."

Maybe she is bitter because she didn't get a 50th Birthday celebration! She seems a bit too concerned with the age issue and she probably didn't eant anybody to know she had turned 50, so they couldn't surprise her even if they had wanted to. Get a grip lady. I was so happy to turn 50, I sent out my own invitations to my own 50th Birthday Bash.

Jokes that are meant to be hurtful, demean, look down on or otherwise disrespect an individual or a group are not appropriate, nor are they funny. Jokes that are gently teasing, respectful, in good faith and that are not mean-spirited or prejudicial are appropriate. We should all be able to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously. Humor is a positive in the work environment. Meanness is not.

Having had friends who were downsized in their 50s and seeing the difficulty they had finding new COMPARABLE employment, I can be very sympathetic to one who objects to age related humor. Why not celebrate the birthday without trying to mimic a stand-up comedian?

To the person (DCR) who said they came for the gypsies but I wasn't a gypsy. We are talking about a lame joke of no consequences which no one was discrimated against, although I would sure not invite him/her out for afterwork drinks, which is NOT the same as people being torn away from their families. I am totally offended by your lack of insensitive about the tragedy of WWII. I much rather hear a lame joke about a walker or whatever than be around someone who thinks every poor, unfunny, or lame joke is the same as millions of people being murdered.

When I worked for a major phone company 10 years ago, we regularly had to read brochures on *proper* workplace behavior, e.g, don't ever mention anything about someone's appearance, ethnicity, etc. Even asking something seemingly innocuous as, "oh, did you get a haircut?" was forbidden because according to policy, that meant you were *looking* at someone's appearance. The environment was hideous & people regularly used HR as a weapon by reporting people they didn't like. We all lived in fear of HR investigations; needless to say it was NOT a productive environment. I think we've come a long way towards extinguishing terrible behaviors like sexual harassment & that's a good thing. The age comments mentioned in the article seem more lame than mean-spirited and discriminatory.

What I do find offensive is the spirit behind the comment that used a poem about the holocaust to as a cautionary tale for a few jokes told at an office party.

This article reminded me of a wonderful song in the Broadway show "Avenue Q" called "Everyone's a little bit racist" that should be mandatory listening for everyone who gets uptight about these PC issues. I highly recommend the whole show to anyone in need of a cure for rampant PC-ism.

Looking to management to regulate the humor of individual workers is the first step down a slippery slope. What comes next? You can't bring cheese in your lunchbox because a co-worker doesn't like how it smells? We deserve to be treated like responsible adults who are not looking to deliberately hurt anyone - unless we prove otherwise. If that happens, it's up to the offended individual to act as a mature adult and let the offender know that offense was taken.

Taking any issue to management should be a last resort. Like the song says - If we ALL could just admit, that we are racist - a little bit - and everyone stop being so PC - maybe we could live in harmony....

When is a joke not really a joke? Many jokes are cover-ups for unkind thoughts or remarks that are not really that nice. They can be downright unkind and not well thought-out. They are said by people who cannot really think up anything intelligent to say themselves, and they want people to like them at the expense of another person. It's not that "people" are more sensitive these days, it's that we are all too lazy to be kind or to think before we say or write words that can have far-reaching consequences.

I don't mind jokes but as a general rule don't appreciate jokes about ethnicity, religion, politics, gender or age, as it might offend some people. I also avoid dirty or too sexy. One should always show class, even when telling a joke. Should be fun and always in good taste

People are so sensitive these days, in this ultra politically correct world, it's disgusting. The fact that you can't joke with anyone, for fear of some uptight loser whining to HR about almost anything, makes corporate life very bland. The jokes made about turning 50 were very mild, and someone was offended. At my work, you can't use black balloons or over the hill party favors because it might offend someone, that makes me sad that such time honored traditions have to be put away because some one has to be offended. Give me a break!

Good, old-fashioned jokes between co-workers about getting older or being young are a part of a healthy, normal workplace. I always got jokes about my youth and how I'm single at every place I've ever worked. I, in turn picked on those jesters about their upcoming mid-life crises-es (better start looking for that sportscar soon Ted, ad so on) and the so-called burdens of their married lives. It keeps a friendly dynamic going by injecting levity between normally over-stressed people who have way too much work and way too little time.

But just like in the example of the 51 year old complaining about age jokes, there are spoil-sports who are very insecure about something and when they hear any mention of their insecurity, even when it's not applied to them, they go off the deep end and demand a ban on jokes with which they can't deal. As long as the joke isn't blatantly and obviously offensive (implying that a co-worker is not mentally up to par or something like that), doesn't play on negative ethnic stereotypes and isn't singling out a single person for ridicule about job performance or his or her personal life, the joke should be allowed.

By the way, the exemplary 51 year old lady might be surprised what kinds of jokes are allowed in small entertainment and multimedia companies. Oh yes, there are workplaces out there where dirty jokes are the norm.

I am 24 and just starting in my first office job. I already feel like the only thing I can joke about is the weather. All it takes is one person to ruin it for everyone and that's what is not fair. If a person doesn't want to be joked with then that is there preference and should let others know. Every single word and action it seems is a constant risk, you can be sued or fired for anything. It's those who keep making issues out of innocent things that are perpetuating the problem. If people didn't make these things an issue then there would be no issue.

Isn't that supposed to be the point, to live in a society where differences are accepted and acknowledged, not chastised and ignored?

That 51 year old seriously needs to get over themselves. To draw the conclusion that the casual joking at the party reflected actual or imagined company policy is ridiculous.

In that person's case, age is clearly not the issue; it's maturity.

First they came for the
Gypsies, but I wasn't a Gypsy, so I did not object, Then...

Whoever YOU are, just know, they WILL come for YOU eventually.

I am an Assistant Manager at a lumberyard. We face the challenge of "old-fashioned thinking" all the time. There are not many women at our facility, and I find myself having to police the humor to make sure that those that are here are not offended. We have a zero tolerance for any sexual humor. All other humor is measured by one standard: is it "inclusive" humor- a joke that would and does come around to everyone in the group sooner or later? Or is it designed to exclude and isolate, to say "we're different from you." That is the standard for me.

I think that 51 year old needs to loosen up and anyone like her should. Don't be so sensitive. That is what the issue is. She doesn't like that she's getting older. It's a fact of life. We will all be there. There is a big difference between colleagues joking with one another and the company sending a message. It sounds like the manager was not involved so what is the problem? As long as she does good work then again what is the problem? I remember making jokes with a classmates years ago about us growing old and being in our rockers. It meant nothing.

One of the advantages of a 1960s British public school (i.e. private) was that we were not taught to feel sorry for ourselves or take offence - or at least to fight back if we did take offence insteading of whingeing to a higher authority. Nowadays with this pathetic political correctness people are encouraged to be "victims" and to take offence even if it is not meant. Basically modern American and British culture is encouraging people to be pathetic instead of growing up into reasonably robust adults.

My first thought, upon reading the headline, was that absolutely, all jokes that poke fun at anyone for any reason should be banned. But then I read your examples, and now my opinion is a bit different. To think that the comment, "we'll be shopping for walkers for you next," at birthday celebration for a 50-year-old is a company policy comment on anything is a bit too politically correct for me.

As someone who is Polish, 54 years old, and blond with big blue eyes and other Barbie doll-type attributes - and my name is Barbara Ann. So I'm accustomed to all variety of jokes on any number of subjects. Jokes and gentle teasing that are intended to make one smile would seem to be ok; those intended to hurt, not ok. How do you tell? How does the person being joked about feel? I would take his or her lead on it - and any slight or mis-spoken "joke" should be followed rapidly by a profuse apology.

I would take it as a compliment if someone said she wished she was Polish because then she might make pierogies like mine.

I think that 51-year-old needs to get a grip. While it's best to err on the side of caution, sometimes it really is the other person who's a bit lost.