The Teflon Boss

My boss is a toxic female. She is 55 and thinks she can dress like a 25 year old - with her T-Back thong hanging out the top of her size 14 pants.

Everyone in the office believes they should butter her up and get her to laugh before going in and talking with her about issues.

This person is a micromanager and enjoys conflict. She incubates conflict. A day does not go by where this person isn't mad at someone. I just don't know why she is still in her position and why there hasn't been a lawsuit againster her. This is a person that lies about everything. It is sad.

I too agree with Angie. My current boss is a woman ; it's the first time I have had a female boss and I find myself googling "toxic,insecure boss"...This tells a lot.
The need to control and be involved in everything is demeaning to the staff.

I also agree with your closing statement.

Very interesting question! Exactly as you said, I did praise her at first, because I intuited she wanted me to. Though soon I began to realize that after I praised her, I felt like I was lying. I didn't agree with the things I was saying (something along the lines of "I am really happy to be working with you...You are a great teacher...Thanks for helping me, I couldn't have done it without you"). Once I had that realization, I began to pay more attention to what she actually meant by her "praise"--which was to belittle me. So I stopped praising her, and though it didn't our relationship, I felt better that I could no longer be lured into her psychodrama.

Thanks for your comment, AH. Did you ever praise your boss, as you intuited she was expecting you to do?

I'd be interested in hearing from others about how their toxic/insecure bosses had a compulsive need to be "credited" for everything, by everyone.

Thanks for your comment, AH. Did you ever praise your boss, as you intuited she was expecting you to do?

I'd be interested in hearing from others about how their toxic/insecure bosses had a compulsive need to be "credited" for everything, by everyone.

Rebecca's comment reminds me of a former boss of mine who would constantly praise me yet find insidious ways to undermine that praise. She would build me up with comments like "I really like everything you're doing with this study. I know I can count on you to do a great job." Then she would say something along the lines of how I should be lucky to have the job. Not only was I overqualified, but she was trying to make me feel insecure at a job that I did very well. So the "credit" she gave me was actually a way for her to exert power over me. It was almost like she wanted me to praise HER!

In my experience, bosses will often appear unfair in how they take credit and assign blame. I have seen it happen on many occasions. However, it is also true that many bosses are not familiar with who does what and that makes me wonder if it is often a problem of (no)communication. Assigning blame is always much easier than accepting blame. Even the best boss may find it hard to "look in the mirror" when things go badly.

My experience is that the most toxic boss is the boss who bullies his employees to maintain his supremacy. This undermines the efforts of the team. I have also experienced the blaming boss who will stop at nothing to assign blame. In the worst situation, assignment of blame becomes his goal. His job becomes a witch hunt in an effort to find someone to blame for whatever problem exists at that momebnt.

I was in a 6-month review at a new consulting job with my immediate boss and the head of the company.

I'm glad to say, the review was extremely positive.

As the review was winding down, and it might have been an appropriate time to ask for an increase in my hourly wage, my boss said "Wow, you make a lot of money. If you break it down by hour, you even make more than me."

I was horrified; I was hired for the job at a specific rate, and did not barter for more than what they were asking. Of course, a consultant makes more per hour than a salaried employee (and we have no benefits or paid vacation).

I felt this was a particularly hostile move on behalf of a toxic boss, and a positive review was turned around into a shameful experience.

I felt that I could not talk money in front of the head of the company at that juncture, and that she was attempting to look "penny wise" on behalf of the company instead of using the review for what it was-- and evaluation of my work.

I agree with your closing statement.

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I've had -- and quit -- my share of toxic bosses. Most of them, unfortunately, have been women. Saying that gives me no pleasure, believe me. Blame and credit are key components to bad bosses, but sometimes competition and an insecure, overarching need to control can be equally powerful and toxic factors.

Most toxic bosses that I can recall are unfair in how they take credit and assign blame. However, I consider micromanagement to be a toxic trait that is not necessarily related to taking credit and assigning blame.

On some level, micromanagers are unfair in how they take credit and assign blame. I suppose that they may take credit for success because they had so much control in the process. Also, inn a way, they imply blame each time they micromanage. It definitely implies that they don't have confidence in their staff.

However, I think that some micromanagers really are toxic because they have an intense need for control rather than because they are inherently unfair in taking credit and assigning blame.