Investment Banking: One Big Joke

Posted by: Louis Lavelle on October 30, 2008

If there are any prospective MBA students out there who are still thinking of investment banking as a career, they should peruse the list of jokes that was distributed to clients by UBS Investment Research. The jokes, which have been previously reported in the Financial Post Trading Desk blog and in Banker’s Ball, are really only funny if you’re not an investment banker.

If you’re an investment banker (or thinking of becoming one) they might prompt a career change.

Q: What’s the definition of optimism? A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

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An investment banker said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one in the street yesterday.

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A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’ ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’

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The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now Britain’s fourth biggest lender.

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Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

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Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A; The pizza can still feed a family of four.

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Q: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?
A: Would you like fries with that sir?

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Q: What is the capital of Iceland?
A: About $3.50

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I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don’t know if that meant them or me.

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Mark Twain was ahead of the curve: “October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”

Reader Comments

auto finance business financing

September 5, 2010 9:24 AM

Excellent job.

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