Velcropoly?

Touchy, touchy! You'd think high-tech companies would be flattered that Hasbro Games (HAS) wanted them in a New Economy version of board-game classic Monopoly. But two big guns wouldn't let their names be used: Microsoft (MSFT) and America Online (AOL). Hasbro won't dish on why the antitrust targets begged off. Microsoft won't talk Monopoly--or monopoly. AOL, facing opposition to its Time Warner merger, is M-phobic, too.

Companies' placement on the board is meant to reflect status, as in the original. Yahoo! (YHOO) rules the Boardwalk, with Excite@Home (ATHM) in the next-priciest Park Place position. Who's squatting on low-rent Baltic Avenue? Bad news, Sportsline (SPLN). Excite's placement amuses some, given its stock's 80% drop. But venture capitalist Geoffrey Y. Yang has a suggestion: ''At the rate at which market caps change, they should put these things in Velcro.''

Another way this game doesn't imitate life: Building a monopoly is a good thing. Too bad for Microsoft and AOL that life isn't a board game.

By Rochelle Sharpe

Shirttail E-Mail

Yeah, the Web's great. But will it help you get lucky? Maybe, says Skim, a Zurich-based collective of artists, designers, and marketers with a wired take on fashion. Skim's Network Denim line may seem overpriced and trendy, but a unique Skim.com e-mail address is stitched onto each $134 Merino wool pullover or the $350 leather coat. The idea is that you'll be at a bar in Stuttgart, potential mates will note your fine looks and fashion sense, and drop a line. ''Flirting is human,'' says co-founder Johannes Eisenhut (Network Denim dates: zero). ''The point is to create a community and the possibility that I can walk around, and give and get feedback from other people.''

It's a good enough line to get Skim rack space in some 200 department stores in 15 countries. Revenues are expected to top $1 million by January. And no, the business model isn't based on matchmaking commissions.

By Dennis K. Berman

But You Knew That

Did you ever figure out that weird dream you had about Bill Gates, a white goat, and the carload of midgets? Maybe you should visit 800Predict.com and consult one of its mystics. We decided to test how good they are. We pitted one of 800Predict's gurus (Amber, who reads Tarot cards) against that prediction institution, the Magic 8 Ball.

Question: Will the government approve the AOL-Time Warner (AOL) merger?
Amber: The Seven of Cups in the Future indicates no. Things will not go smoothly as some expect.

Magic 8 Ball: It is decidedly so.

Question: Will Microsoft (MSFT) really be broken up?
Amber: The cards indicate the Sun in the Future, which means things won't go as Microsoft wishes. Microsoft will have to break up to a certain extent.

Magic 8 Ball: Better not tell you now.

Question: Will Amazon.com (AMZN) ever become profitable?
Amber: Amazon will require help from another source or company in order to keep its head above water.

Magic 8 Ball: It is certain.

Question: Will DSL beat cable modems as the country's favored broadband connection?
Amber: According to the cards (Ten of Cups, Domestic Tranquility), cable will win out eventually.

Magic 8 Ball: Signs point to yes.

Gobbledygook

Gee, isn't the Web cool. Forget studying foreign languages to stay in touch with your non-English speaking pen pals. Today, Web sites do the work for you. Just hit the ''translate'' button, and out pops the message in another language. To give it a whirl, we used ePals.com to translate this paragraph from English to Spanish to Italian to German to French and then back to English. Accurate? Judge for yourself:

Gee is not the freshness of the texture. She/it forgets to learn languages foreign, to remain in contact, with is odd, English that him down if speak, friends. Today this Place of the texture she/it makes this/those--here Work for her. Merely this stationary, translate this button, and it was this The exploded the news in another The language. Him a fast rotation if makes, we accustom ourselves us ePals.com the one--here to translate me paragraphiere of the English to Spanish too Italian too much German to the French and then behind to English. Precise? You appreciate for her.

By David Rocks

No Way out

Is there no escape from the Internet, I wondered, eying a gas pump in Alpharetta, Ga. I was testing a new service urging me to browse Web-delivered coupons while filling the old Camry with unleaded. And it didn't promise me a super premium experience. The coupon-dispensing pumps are a service being tested around Atlanta by San Jose (Calif.) startup Ten Square, which is backed by Chevron (CHV) and British Petroleum. A small monitor offers about 10 coupons per screen. Some things make sense, like Coke promotions. Everyone buys soda at the filling station. But a $100-off deal from an orthodontist? We buy stuff at the gas station to wreck our teeth, not fix them.

Coupon-spouting pumps may hit your neighborhood sooner than you think, and truth be told, they're not too bad. Ten Square already has most major gas chains signed up. I expected to find nothing useful, but on the last screen I found perfection: free popcorn at a local movie theater. If any kernels get stuck in my teeth, I'll know who to call.

By Charles Haddad

You're How Old?

Our editor says she's ''wise.'' Now, we know how long it took her to get that way. Her birthday is among 135 million birth records at Anybirthday.com, the first free site of its kind.

Anybirthday says users find friends' birthdays and buy them gifts. Anybirthday gets revenue from e-stores' referral fees and a sister site that sells data. But bosses and other business folks like Anybirthday, too. Law firm Ballard Spahr Andrews & Ingersoll recommends it for criminal background checks. ''Before, only the powers that be had access to this information,'' says Anybirthday CEO Chris Skeeles. ''Now, it's available to the public.'' And to fraudsters, says Privacy Forum co-founder Lauren Weinstein. He thinks Skeeles shouldn't be able to release data without subjects' O.K. But with no new laws in sight, all you ''39-year-olds,'' look out.

By Dennis K. Berman