10/12/98 THE HOUSE HUBBY COMES IN MANY MODELS

THE HOUSE HUBBY COMES IN MANY MODELS

In ''The daddy trap'' (Special Report, Sept. 21), you profiled five fathers and how they balanced their family and work lives. I enjoyed the article but was disappointed to find that while all three of the white fathers you chose to feature held professional positions in the computer industry, the Hispanic and African-American fathers profiled worked in service industries. While it is true that many minorities work in such positions, and I respect and honor their contributions to our society, it was disappointing to see that a magazine targeted primarily at professionals could not find a single minority manager or executive to interview as one of the five.
It is easy to disregard my concerns as just another example of ''political correctness'' (which I do not advocate). But editorial choices of this type inadvertently create subliminal messages that reinforce stereotypes about the professional limitations of minorities and, in this case, send them directly to the people who make key decisions affecting the careers of minorities.

Gerry Graux
Seattle

One of the fathers in your article, who actually sounded relatively conscientious, is quoted as saying, ''To help out is just a natural thing.'' This well-intentioned remark delineates one of the clearest differences between a father's perspective and a mother's. No mother refers to herself as merely ''helping out'' with child care or housework. Child care is Priority No.1, and housework is a critical--albeit ridiculous--marker of a woman's character. Most fathers, on the other hand, think that if they ''pitch in'' a little with these things, they deserve applause.
Additionally, as your story points out, when they begin to be stretched a little thin, as all working mothers are, we suddenly learn that they feel ''trapped.'' I would love to see our society come up with a way to value parenting and child care so that both mothers and fathers could do the best possible job of raising our children--and feel like productive members of society. But in the meantime, forgive me if I find this whining about ''the daddy trap'' more tiring than being mother to three children while pursuing a very demanding career.

Jane C. Hong
Racine, Wis.

Work-life balance is a misnomer. With average 10-hour workdays and two-hour daily commutes in metropolitan regions, there are but a few short waking hours for family and parenting. In an effort to fulfill career aspirations or achieve financial stability, some neglect the time and effort needed to devote to raising children. The importance of having a strong parental influence in the home has been diffused by dual-career families.
The marketplace has changed our society and should be held accountable. The corporate Band-Aid solutions mentioned in your article try to put quick fixes on a larger societal problem. I think it's time for our corporate, political, and thought leaders to realize one of the reasons that our children are violent in schools is a lack of parental leadership and involvement.
We should study other societies, in Europe and elsewhere, where the focus on the workday and family is quite different. Then we must implement drastic changes to our work environment and schedules so that our children will have the strength, ethics, and integrity we hope and dream they possess as successful citizens of our great society.
The schools continue to speak about the dearth of parental involvement; I don't think it's due to disinterest but more to a lack of time and energy. If we and our children are to compete globally, let's look at those societies whose children consistently outscore us in education and adopt family-centric lifestyles.

Peter Sobel
Scotch Plains, N.J.

The article hit right on track with issues facing working dads today. I have a 2-year-old daughter with whom I spend as much time as possible. My wife stays at home with our daughter, and I work while attending Auburn University's MBA program. I also help with chores and help take care of my daughter at nights and on weekends. This doesn't leave much free time, but I don't feel as though it is a burden or a consuming activity. I enjoy it.
My family comes first in all decisions I make at work and at home. Where I work, travel considerations, and how many hours I am expected to put in, are a major consideration for my future after graduation. The simple things like eating together, taking trips to the park and zoo together, and playing together, strengthen the family bond. Sure, some things suffer. I get Bs instead of As, I make a little less money, I drive an older car, but so what? I am a happy person.
Perhaps if more men felt this way and were more inclined to spend time as a family, our future kids and grandkids might have a better chance at a more pleasant tomorrow.

Lee Conner
Auburn, Ala.